Clue sticks are in short supply, so I fixed me up a few with this short crib sheet.

Why is Hillary still running?

1) Because Obama hasn't beaten her yet. Yep, that's right. There's a little known clause in the Democratic rule book that says you have to get a certain number of delegates and superdelegates to win, even if all the TV and newspaper columnists and your opponent's fans have declared it over. I know, it's not exactly sensible - who'd want to buck Chris Matthews after all, but that's the way it goes. And it goes against American tradition and all our sports and movies, because it's very strange for someone to fight against overwhelming odds. Why would she do a thing like that?

2) There are still primaries left. Yes, that's right. This confuses a lot of people since we were told that this was all over by February 5 or with Wisconsin or something, but the problem is the DLC went and scheduled primaries into June, and like if no one shows up, they've gone and wasted a lot of money for nothing - they might just as well have held a caucus or embezzled more money than usual, and that just makes them downright grouchy. We don't want that.

3) 17 million voters. Or just shy of. Yep, somehow Hillary thinks she owes them something - you know, for standing up and moving to their polling place, like that's a lot of work. And they kind of want to be counted, even if for futile narcissism. Because there's this rumor going around that her opponent really smoked her by getting... just shy of 17 million votes. Yeah, it was a real blowout, but her fans are asking for a roll call anyway. Spoil sports.

4) The VP slot. Yes, I know - we've heard it from Jeanne Kirkpatrick and the Psychic Connection themselves that Hillary will never take the VP slot. But the problem is that Hillary doesn't seem to know this. Not that anyone's been brave enough to ask her (you know her reputation). But it seems that there's some peculiar reason, Hillary may just possibly believe that the VP position is worth it, maybe access to the President, coming up with policy initiatives on the sly, or otherwise using the position to stir things up in Washington. I know it's been reputed to "not be worth a bucket of warm spit", but then again, being a minority Senator under an opposition President for 6 years probably wasn't a bale of hay either, nor being under investigation by Ken Starr for most of her adult life. Come to think of it, the VP position might be her best chance to slink away into sweet anonymity. Remember when Dick Cheney wasn't seen for what, 2? 3 years after 9/11?

4) The Ascension. No, not the religious one, the political one. I know it's almost a foregone conclusion that Hillary's really trying to destroy Obama so she can run again in 2012 - who wouldn't? Think of all the fun being on the road for a year and a half giving the same speech!!!  The fund raisers! The debates! The press scrutiny! What could go wrong? But it seems that someone may have put a bug in Hillary's ear that being VP isn't bad odds either, and if you're planning 4 years ahead, sitting comfy in the Naval Observatory and afternoons shopping for shoes might be a more straightforward path. How good of odds? Historically, better than 1 out of 5. Not too shabby. (Okay, that's per President - the odds are a bit worse if you tally it by  the larger number of Vice Presidents, such as poor Spiro Agnew who sadly came oh so close only to see it slip away). Even if Obama loses in November she could still run in 2012, and while it's certainly inevitable she'll be President at some point, after this primary season she may be thinking 20% isn't a bad hedge bet after all. And I think we all know she's always been good at options trading.

So there you have it. Feel free to add your own reasons, and be sure to click the Recommend link - we come from the obligation wing of the party.