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The Ballad of Billy Glad

Saw this morning that our beloved Billy Glad claims he won't be sailing with the Obamanauts, because someone or other offended him.  He feels Obama's people are ageist, entitled, nasty folks, so he is sitting out this silly election (or maybe threatening to see us in Ohio means he'll be working for McCain, who can say), with what he claims are ample resources of money and time.  He's going to take his toys and go home.  So keeping in mind the Ballad of Billy Jack (also known as "One Tin Soldier"), as a warning against petulant displays of disunity, I will now flop around sexily on a piano and sing for you . . .
 
The Ballad of Billy Glad
 
Listen, bloggers, to a story
That was written long ago,
'Bout a Party and its voters
And the angry blogs they wrote.

On the website was some anger
Racial, ageist, classist too,
And the Clinton people swore
They'd were blameless, it was you.

Go ahead and hate Obama,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Clinton,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come November 4,
On the bloody morning after....
You elected John McWar.

So the people loyal to Clinton
Sent their bloggers out for Hill,
Arguing for the nomination,
The Precious Ring for which they'd kill.

Came an answer from Obama,
"With the Clintons we will share
All the secrets of our campaign,
All the power buried there."
 
Clinton waged a strong campaign
Bundlers, Penn, and all the rest
But our proportional voting
Killed her hopes, Barack was best
 
Still her bloggers fought on gamely,
Including our own Billy Glad
Taunted youngsters with his icon
Telling us of fights he'd had
 
Still we thought he'd help the winner
He claimed to be a Democrat
Seemed like such a wise old blogger
Smarter than to dwell on spats
 
Go ahead and hate Obama,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Clinton,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come November 4,
On the bloody morning after....
You elected John McWar.

The Hillarists then cried with anger,
"Mind the white vote! Draw your sword!"
And they killed in Pennsylvania,
Just enough to go forward.
 
With Wright on all the televisions
Indiana would be theirs
The superdels would share their vision:
Reagan Democrats are scared.
 
But the gas tax broke her power
"Pander bear," cried Tsongas' ghost
Swing voters aren't quite so stupid
Barack still won, the Post cried "Toast!"


How could this be, yelled our Billy
You guys aren't fair to me
Called me old, or not progressive
I'll remove myself from thee!

Go ahead and hate Obama,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Clinton,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come November 4,
On the bloody morning after....
You elected John McWar.
 
November 5 they trashed Obama,
They couldn't get it through their head:
Read his speeches, looked within them...
"Unity" was all he'd said.
 
But Billy Glad had left the website
Vowing not to vote for O
Vote your anger, not your conscience
Monica's not all that blows . . .
 
Go ahead and hate the Party,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Clinton,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come November 4,
On the bloody morning after....
You elected John McWar.


Comments (125)

"Monica's not all that blows" is a great line!

If a girl can't make fun of her own notoriety, what can she do?

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Or it's the worst line. Hard to tell.

Oh, readytoblow, you're just mad because I made a silly joke about your name!

Lighten up!

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No, really. I thought it was the feeblest line. It stood out as a pander.

It would be ironic if that Tsongas line came back to haunt you.

When I really look at it line-by-line, the whole song is smug and mean-spirited.

Not surprising, though: You support Obama, right?

How would one even blow a gasket?

A little harsh, but I have such strong associations with the original, the sight of Billy Jack being taken away through the phalanx of police officers, that you gave me no choice but to recommend. Plus, it looks like this took a long time.

Actually only about twenty minutes. Monica is a fast worker!

Actually only about twenty minutes. Monica is a fast worker!

Much more time and effort than I'm worth.

Au contraire.

I like the implicit acknowledgment of our debt to the 60s.

Billy's worth every couplet.

I thought it was more witty than

"Billy Billy Billy Glad
Don't be angry don't be sad"

But some people disagree, like our friend the angry bee! Can't please everyone!

I would rather have had a breathless rendition of Happy Birthday, but One Tin Soldier suits.

Oh Billy, not according to Cypher. Cypher is all praises for you! He's your groupie. He will yell it from the rooftops how great you are.

You are so humble Billy. Take the song tribute gracefully. You deserve it. :)

I love it! And judging from your avatar, Monica, darling, you've never looked better. Don't let anyone make you take the blame for DC going "smoke free". There are still some respectable cigar bars in this town...

I'm not as hot as girl from the bronx, but I do what I can!

Don't google Monica from earlier this decade, those wouldn't make such swell avatars!

Thanks!

Billy has been one of the more abused posters on this site. He's always engaged people and rarely loses his temper.

This type of immature and nasty posting, thinly veiled as some kind of humor, isn't helpful.

Obama supporters are poor winners. The only solace I get is the knowledge that he'll disappoint the crap out of you, and that's when good democrats like Billy will be defending Obama to losers like you, er, Monica.

Has it occured to you how putrid it is to be posing as a right wing shill with that avatar? It should. It illustrates why people like you bought into all the RW hogwash. It was wrong then and nothing has changed but perhaps the lowering of political discourse and the scarcity of reason. You people are your own worst enemies, willing to swallow the bile of right wingers like Peggy Noonan and David Brooks because they stroked your candidate. How pathetic. You're all what was known in the "old days" as "easy marks."

I'd think you'll wake up someday and see what an embarrassment you are to progressive causes and your own sainted candidate.

I won't hold my breath though.

The funny thing is that the irony of Obama supporters using right wing imagery and talking points apparently sails over your pointy little heads.

When posts or threads become a complaint of a single poster, that is merely a poor mannered form of pique. It is also very, very, VERY low class.

TPM aims for better.

So you took this as an attack on Billy?

I guess that would be the straightforward reading. But I just assumed, since Billy is widely respected, that it was more in the spirit of a "roast" -- i.e., poking fun at someone with the intention actually of acknowledging them.

Maybe I'm being too naive.

No, maybe I'm being too knee-jerk reactive. I'm just sad that Billy is going away.

Some of the comments I've seen thrown his way have been really awful.

It's one thing to bash Clinton, quite another to go after her supporters.

I'm not sure how the "going away" part got started. Probably some wishful thinking. I'm just getting out of the way and moving around the blogosphere a little as soon as Hillary concedes.

I think I will work for McCain in Ohio, though. I like those gang who couldn't shoot straight memes. I doubt we can beat anybody, but I like to bet the puppies.

That's a joke, right?

I knew you weren't going to like it, Bee. But it's such an unfair fight right now.

You are full of it. It's far too even.

I do not believe you. This breaks my heart.

My old board wants me back. Why? I dunno, I'm just as annoying over there, if not more so. There be real freepers there. I've never been much afraid of them.

Maybe it's just time to go.

Billy, work for the group that's trying to:

Keep McCain in the Senate!

"Knee-jerk overreactive" really undersells your response to that song!

Don't be so modest next time!

But she chose a song from the 60s. Surely that counts as a graceful bow?

It is both a gentle roast of Billy, whom I respect, and a plea for unity above anger!

Remember, sillies, leadership of the free world is at stake!

No point is being a gloomy gus!

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Makes you think that all the criticism of Clinton is projection, doesn't it? In all my years as a democrat, I have never seen anything like this, it is like a crosstown high school rivalry.

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Huh. I could have sworn it was middle school, BevD.

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WorkerBee where were you when Billy Sad Grackle was posting his blog to berate many Obama supporters. He is a big Grackle and can squawk for himself.

WorkerBee where were you when the Clinton's hit man, James Carville, tried to emasculate Senator Obama, and went on to claim that his examination of Hillary's undercarriage revealed that she had three testicles. Where were you then. Silent, as was Hillary. Sexism is a too way street, so take your selective outrage and shove it.

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edit;

two way street.

"Supporters" plural? When did he post a blog ridiculing one individual poster? I must have missed it.

Your exception laden "logic" iis laughable. There's no excuse for this level of ridicule.

Bad form.

I'm still trying to find the one where I ridiculed Obama's supporters. I want it for my useful box.

One good place to check would be billy glad site:talkingpointsmemo.com.

Not sure if that helps either way or not.

I try not to ridicule them in my posts. I like to ridicule them in my comments, though. They've earned it.

Oh, bile-y, let it go!

willing to swallow the bile of right wingers like Peggy Noonan and David Brooks because they stroked your candidate. How pathetic

What????? when Hillary meets with Melon-scaife, gets compliments from Rove, BillO (rich people God bless us) and the crew at Fox Noise (fair and balanced)....

I am just sitting here, jaw dropping at the hypocrisy.

Be that as it may, you do plan on working for Obama's victory in November, correct?

How many Obama fans have actually seen Billy Jack, I wonder? And what about the candidate himself? I bet it was one of his favorites. Ah, Jean, Bernard, Billy, the school, the rest of the gang.

I know I'm one to talk!

But can you explain your freaky avatar?

As I am temporarily hidden at an undisclosed location, I am not at liberty to reveal my identity. Hint: Once upon a time I enjoyed a brief period as dictator of the tiny banana republic of San Marcos. Please keep this information confidential (as best as possible at this public forum).

That answer is Bananas.

"Billy Jean is not my lover . . . "

Oh, wait, wrong decade. Sorry, I go a little berserk sometimes.

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Worker bee, get a sense of humor, a thicker skin and something to treat that bellicosity.

Bee is all right. I'm glad things are winding down. Gives me time to work on a guide to the revolution for the Obamanauts. I don't want them to wander around too long looking for it.

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Are you going to write on your own site? If so, I'll visit.

I'll post the political stuff here. I might even have time to fall by Dizzy's for some hash.

There has definitely been a great realignment in the Party. Like I told elliotness, I find it distasteful somehow. I'm not sure why yet. When I figure it out, I'll try to grab the conch again.

I would look forward to hearing your thoughts about that, and to responding to them, and salute you for caring about the party deeply.

I don't think it's changed that much from 1984. If Gary Hart was black, and you abstract away the lesser racial tolerance present in 1984 as compared to 2008, Hart's Western new liberal coalition probably wins narrowly instead of losing narrowly to Mondale's. Maybe not that realigned. Just a thought.

It's about time a Donna Rice appeared on these message boards. No Excuses.

Yep, a-man is right. But that's also partly why there was so much fighting.

Hillary and Obama aren't *that* far apart, policy-wise. And I doubt either of them is more "elitist" than the other. But the wine track/beer track divisions in the party itself are long-standing, and fueled by real class resentments. I think the candidates gradually became the symbols of this pre-existing division in the party.

That's not the whole story, but it's part of it. I think I'm repeating something from Slate or Salon, incidentally.

Goddamn it, I drink wine! F*** you beer drinkers! I'm not taking your hard liquor and beer loving shit anymore!

But as to Obama and Clinton, they're two peas in a pod. . .

*sighs*

Billy - I have been thinking about this and I think it boils down to a new approach to power.

I am but 31 and my parents are boomers. They dealt with the power structure in a manner that was different from their parents. I am now dealing with power in my own manner that is a direct reflection of the chain of events - my grandparents were command and control focused, my parents resisted the strictness of it all, down to outright rejection.

Carrying that sense of rejection, I must now come up with my own approach, further influenced by now being the parent. It is not that I disrespect my elders (I grew out of being a teen) but I feel that the respect I give needs to be earned. I think that "old vs. new politics" is a catch phrase for this change in power (or the handling of said power).

Anyway, I think this is a big part of our current situation but I do not have the time to flesh it out more than that.

I hope that you and others find the ballad in good fun (roast is a good analogy) and do not flee this site. Knowledge is best used in exchanges. Kinda like some black guy said - I am not afraid to talk to my enemies.

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I think it boils down to a new approach to power.

From what I've observed so far, you're in for a terrible surprise.

The Boomers aren't dead yet, and they aren't going to step aside quietly for 30-somethings to take over.

Hell, McCain isn't dead yet. And neither is his mother.

re: The Boomers aren't dead yet, and they aren't going to step aside quietly for 30-somethings to take over.

In time. Give it time.

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I think all the boomers will be dead in 100 years. Just around the time we leave Iraq.

What makes you think I am looking for the boomers to die off? You act like this is a dictatorship or something.

I understand that the transition is gradual. Generations do not start and stop on some magical date, nor does the changing of the guard.

I am sorry that you missed my point. I shall leave my snark out of it, since you seem to be more angry about the topic than not.

Strikes me as just one more battle in the progressives' coup against the DLC within the party. The former seems to have won a number of these in recent years, with this being perhaps their biggest accomplishment.

Billy, we love you. We really do. You've blamed me for your alienation because you know I'll take it hard, and because I've picked on you in the past. But I would never have picked on you if I hadn't thought you were worth it. And if you stick around, I promise I'll never put you in a dress again.

It was the dress that did it. I'll be around. I'm just not going on that leaky vessel. Going by land. Following the trail blazed by the old guy in the hat.

What the heck is going on here? Workerbee is angrily condemning good snark? Allsburg is saying nice things about Billy Glad? The whole blogosphere is topsy-turvy. Next thing we know, Matthew Weaver will post a funny parody.

Calm down folks...

1) Billy loves attention of any kind, so I'm sure he's eating this stuff up

2) Billy can take take a joke

3) This is not the first time Billy has threatened to leave. I propose a contest between Billy and Desidero to see who can leave TPM for a shorter amount of time.

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Ghengis, I was trying to read your post, but can't concentrate. Can you turn down the volume on those lapels?

This isn't good snark.

I have reason to feel this way, believe me. It isn't right to post crap about an individual here. When that line gets crossed, I don't think anyone will like the results.

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Good lord. Billy Sad Grackle says that it does not bother him, but you just have to keep on feeling his non existent pain. Stop your whining by proxy, or get out of the kitchen.

All right.

And here I thought the troupe had stabilized.

Hope you do not take it serious and leave ms. bee - I enjoy your presence when you are not livid (and even then although I think communication diminishes.)

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Don't go anywhere.

It isn't right to post crap about an individual here

Depends. In the case of pure meanness, I agree. But I think that this was just a good natured roast, and Billy is quite capable of taking it in stride.

I only dislike the ones who bore me.

And you know all about those lines of restraint, bee. Right. Shall I start quoting you again?

We'll all be dead by the time the contest is won!

Another anti-war song. Here's the music:
http://www.geocities.com/bjaes.geo/lyrics/bllyhero.htm

The McCain bus came down along Main Street
The journalists fell in behind
I looked across and there I saw Billy
Waiting to go and join the line
And with her head upon his shoulder
Stood lovely Nancy Pelosi
From where I stood I saw her crying
And through her tears I heard her say

Billy, you're a folk hero,
Don't be a fool with your life!

Unlike that other Bill, dear, oh,
Hillary isn't your wife!

From agism we will refrain
(Except involving John McCain)

And we'll shut up about the Clinton campaign
If you come back and blog with us again.

The Republicans were trapped on a hillside
The battle raging all around
McCain cried, We've got to hang on, boys!
We've got to hold this piece of ground.
I need a volunteer to go to Ohio
And bring us back some extra men
And Billy's hand was up in a moment
Forgettin all the words she said . . .

She said
Billy, you're a folk hero,
Don't be a fool with your life!

Oh, Billy -- and Desideero --
Come back to (D).

Where is Desidero today? And the old guy who froze to death in the pass?

Donner Pass is eating his own, like the rest of us friggin' cannibals in here.

He's the real deal, you know.

So's Democratic fratricide.

Purpose of the name friend. Glad you finally got it.

I don't know if I want to cross the Donner Pass threshold, which you suggest I've done today.

Talking of the dangers. Traveling with Obama but not wanting to eat my own.

Yours is righteous!

And nobody attacked you!

Billy could come back with a version of "Don't Mess With Bill."

I'd like to nominate Armchair Guerilla for the best avatar ever.

Thank you, amber. Since the few here who bother to read my whimsical meanderings tend generally to disagree with me, I can at least take comfort in the knowledge that my avatar has touched at least one soul. My time has not been wasted.

Now it's time to find some photos of Donna Rice.

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That's great poetry. Truly magnificient. I

But you shouldn't blame Billy (or Hillary) when Obama loses. Even without Wright or bitter or whatever perceived slights he received from Clinton, Obama would lose.

And McCain will easily trounce Obama's VP candidate in 2012.

Eight more years of jingoism, millions being without healthcare, corporate welfare, tax cuts for the ultra rich and more reactionaries appointed to SCOTUS--what hath we wrought?

Ugh!

They're going to have to help McCain on to the stage for the first debate.

Rock 'em! Sock 'em! Baaaaaa Rack 'em!

And now ack has graciously done a youtube version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDRsm3wAMns

Oops, wrong thread

Oh. And if the rest of my personal trolls show up, drop liam and them off at the troll shelter. I don't have time to feed them anymore.

Those of you who haven't reloaded your browsers lately are missing a rare opportunity. Billy has changed his avatar.

I like it quite a bit.

I thought the kids should meet.

Getting tired trying again and again to get over the mountain.

Peace on the other side. Will send you a song with words for the trail.

Beautiful child. Sweetest of dreams.

Monica,

Workerbee loves to play contrarian. This was as entertaining as anything else written for humor at TPM... and a good deal better than some. Keep it up!


Thanks, Mr. Kool-Aid. I guess it's more fun to write a few nasty comments than to do something creative! After all, it's the Internet!

As to the buzzy bee, I really don't care if a Green from Connecticut thinks it's mean that I snarked on Billy supporting John McCain. She's entitled! After all, the Greens got George Bush elected once, sticking up for the McCain love comes naturally.

At least Obama will win his home state. I'm going to take Ohio away from him, however. But hell, what's one state more or less when the whole country is behind you.

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They don't need Ohio. Wyoming is the new Ohio.

They? No sense of party? McCain is truly a good substitute for Clinton?

You guys really want to drop out of the democratic party because a black guy might be the nominee?

Because if your core arguments hold up - that they are all a bunch of politicians, then there is nothing that Clinton brings to the table that Obama does not. Unless you are really thinking that she can bring back the tech boom of the 90's... Her "experience" line has got you as hooked as the "change" line from the Obama camp?

I don't get it.

I guess it's more fun to write a few nasty comments than to do something creative!

Nah, but it is easier.

It's more fun to read something creative than the nasty stuff though... ;-)

Amen, bro.

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And sometimes it's FUN to be creatively nasty, boys and girls! Especially when you have supportive unity for trashing people:

Go ahead and hate Obama,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Clinton,
You can justify it in the end.

Still her bloggers fought on gamely,
Including our own Billy Glad
Taunted youngsters with his icon
Telling us of fights he'd had

Still we thought he'd help the winner
He claimed to be a Democrat
Seemed like such a wise old blogger
Smarter than to dwell on spats

The Hillarists then cried with anger,
"Mind the white vote! Draw your sword!"
And they killed in Pennsylvania,
Just enough to go forward.

With Wright on all the televisions
Indiana would be theirs
The superdels would share their vision:
Reagan Democrats are scared.

How could this be, yelled our Billy
You guys aren't fair to me
Called me old, or not progressive
I'll remove myself from thee!

November 5 they trashed Obama,
They couldn't get it through their head:
Read his speeches, looked within them...
"Unity" was all he'd said.

But Billy Glad had left the website
Vowing not to vote for O
Vote your anger, not your conscience
Monica's not all that blows . . .

Go ahead and hate the Party,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Clinton,
You can justify it in the end.

But anyone who uses Monica Lewinsky's photo for their avatar and her persona for hackneyed jokes is, quite obviously, deeply nasty.

There is no gentleness here, just passive-aggressiveness. There is no self-reflection, just blaming others. There is no spirit of unity, just divisiveness.

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This was as entertaining as anything else written for humor at TPM

Now that's the best (and truest) line of the night!

As one who likes to take song lyrics and twist them around a la Weird Al, I just want to commend Monica for a job well done, regardless of the content.

Give us a kiss.

I'm gonna hold off on that kiss until the 20th, Billy.

If I'm right, and all goes well, you will get a big french one.

M'kay?

;)

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About time for the poets and lyricists to have their input. But don't blame yet another Texas "decider" for deciding wrong and petulantly taking his marbles elsewhere. Blame the pantsuit piñata who seduced and duped him. Blame:

"Buffaloed Girl" (after a traditional song of a similar name)

Buffaloed girl, won't you come out tonight?
Bask in your fright; hide in plain sight.
Buffaloed girl don't you put up a fight;
Just dance to the right with the goons!

Buffaloed girl, don't you burn any flags;
Marry some fags; count body bags.
Buffaloed girl, wrapped in riches not rags,
Just keep raking in those doubloons!

Buffaloed girl, send our troops to Iraq!
Then leave them there! Don't bring them back!
Buffaloed girl, cover George Bush's back,
And scrape up a few more platoons.

Buffaloed girl, just stay out of the fray;
Keep your mouth shut! Keep making hay!
Buffaloed girl, while the cat is away
Just keep playing mice with buffoons.

Buffaloed girl, don’t you hear the troops cry?
Wounded for wrongs; dead for a lie.
Buffaloed girl, look in everyone’s eye
And then soil your own pantaloons.

Buffaloed girl, under Lieberman’s wing,
Saving his job, that's the main thing.
Buffaloed girl, you and Holy Joe sing
The duet of right-wing spittoons.

Buffaloed girl, rail at video games;
Focus group that; spout the right frames.
Buffaloed girl, don’t you name any names,
Just save children from their cartoons.

Buffaloed girl, take a “listening” tour
If you don’t know; if you’re not sure.
Buffaloed girl, voters like their fake “pure”
Like war debt that simply balloons.

Buffaloed girl, when it counted you hid;
Don’t try to lie; That’s what you did.
Buffaloed girl, Dubya made you his kid
When you bought the crap that he croons.

Buffaloed girl, your irrelevance mounts
Even in small, measured amounts.
If “it” takes a village, by all your accounts
Then take “it” to Mars and its moons.

Michael Murry, "The Misfortune Teller," Copyright 2006

I bet nobody poops on your post. Or Alex's.

I say it's all sexist!

I like your post very much.

A classic case of cleavage envy, Monica.

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As far as Texans go, I thought the world of Ann Richards and Molly Ivins. I suppose that because of their gender, such admiration might make me a sexist -- but in a good way. Molly gave us "the Shrub," of course, and Ann told us to take pity on the little Bush because "George can't help it. He was born with a silver boot in his mouth." I would have voted for either lady as president. Ditto for Cindy Sheehan, my personal hero and a national treasure -- whom Senator You-Know-Her pointedly refused to meet publicly for fear of that "activist, anti-war" image rubbing off. But as for lame-duck Texas "males" soon to leave us for "other priorities," I offer:

"Stud Hamster from Texas" 

Stud Hamster from Texas felt low down and rough
As a rodent, he felt he had all the Right Stuff
He longed to seem fearsome and manly and tough
Even though his true grit measured less than enough

He fancied himself a remarkable stoat
Like a weasel all white in his brown summer coat
But he fumbled his lines that he'd studied by rote
When he tried to recite from his primer, "Pet Goat"

The school kids sat silent: bemused at the scene
Of a grown man determined to pose and to preen
As he fumbled about for some meaning to glean
From a sentence a first-grader wouldn't demean

Still, the vacuous varmint kept stumbling along
Messing up all the words and the tune to the song
While his loyal cult following praised him as strong
Even though their assumptions were totally wrong

Then the planes hit the buildings or crashed on the ground
And the Stud Hamster blanched at the horrible sound
Leaving us to reflect on a lesson profound:
That it might not pay big to kick Muslims around

"I told you," said Bin Laden, twisting the blade,
"That someday I'd strike while you sat in the shade
Amusing yourself with some nicknames you made
For credulous 'journalists' dumb and afraid"

Anyway, the Stud Hamster's advisors thought quick
Of a way to recover from Bin Laden's trick:
They'd teach George to utter a word that would stick
In the mind of a country as thick as a brick

"It's War!" cried the Stud Hamster, seeing his chance
To deflect all those questions about his romance
With Saudi Arabian oilmen who dance
At his each of his parties, with no awkward glance

"It's War!" he intoned with a stern face and frown
Laying claim to a bogus and unearned renown
Although he had most of the country locked down
Somehow the Bin Ladens flew straight out of town

"It's War!" he recited on cue and on pitch
"It's War!" he repeated when he got the itch
"It's War!" he demanded, ignoring the glitch
That happened when he fell asleep at the switch

With hijackers dead in the wreckage below
George stood on a pile of the rubble to show
His valiant intention to bask in the glow
Of others who -- unlike him -- true danger know

"It's War!" he declared while the Congress looked on
Absenting itself with a long drawn out yawn
While sycophant pundits continued to fawn
On George and his minions from dusk until dawn

But Stud Hamster knew that the country would shrink
From asking why Maximum Leader, the fink,
Did not for a moment just pause once to think
Of his Christian troops whom the Arabs thought stink

Why, hadn't Bin Laden himself said out loud
That infidel troops so near Mecca might cloud
Relations with Muslims, of Islam quite proud,
Who'd send home the troops in a burial shroud?

But not to be turned from his swell new Crusade
Stud Hamster felt certain he'd get a parade
And with his VP heading up the charade
He bought into "war" as a Penny Arcade

It all went so quickly as not much appeared
To challenge an army to fast movement geared
Thus few thought to have any strategy cleared
Through those with some knowledge of what should be feared

For last time around when the knights charged en mass
The Muslims took flight and dispersed like a gas
But soon when the Christians got stuck in a pass
The Muslims would trap them like bugs in a glass

This George Custer thing about taking low ground
And then baiting Injuns to come and surround
Has never much seemed like an idea sound
Except to stud hamsters with heads out-of-round

But jumping the gun after taking the bait
The Stud Hamster partied; he just couldn't wait
To dance on a flight deck to set time and date
When history's clock started ticking his fate

"It's Mission Accomplished!" he joyfully spun
"America and its allies have now won
And so major combat is over and done"
But, of course, all the dying had only begun

The free-market looting then quickly took hold
As carpetbag contractors went for the gold
And thieves thick as flies became ever more bold:
A chaos that many had baldly foretold

Resentment set in right away, as we know,
And then the attacks began slowly to grow
As probing and testing revealed that the glow
Was quite premature, as the records now show

It soon became obvious, clear, and precise
That Rumsfeld and Powell and Cheney and Rice
Had given Stud Hamster some crappy advice
Which only had landed our troops in a vise

But Stud Hamster crowed with his usual flair
He smirked and he sneered: "Bring 'em on! I don't care!"
"You just go ahead; take a shot, if you dare"
"It won't be my ass on the line over there"

"OK," said Bin Laden, "we'll do it your way
You chase me around for three years and a day
But, still, in the end you will go; we will stay
Some others will step up to drive you away"

Stud Hamster, though, had quite a trick up his sleeve
He'd spend lots of dough and just buy a reprieve
From tightwad conservatives' fiscal pet peeve
Like Reagan, he'd bankrupt the firm and then leave

Just pass on the bill to the kids, don't you know?
Republicans think that's the real way to go
Then keep cutting taxes for those who don't show
Whenever the fighting breaks out down below

As deficits swelled, the Stud Hamster stayed cool
And tried not to look like he'd just dropped his stool
Or pissed in a rich neighbor's clean swimming pool
Which made him look only like more of a fool

He swore he could spy on whomever at will
To find out what money they had in the till
Then count on the Pet Press to act as his shill
And his loyal subjects to swallow the swill

The courts didn't mind if he wrote them a line
To clear up his views on their lack of a spine
He'd just cross his fingers and promise to sign
The laws that he broke -- and they liked it just fine

"It's War!" he rhetorically claimed as his due
"That makes me commander -- and chiefly, of you!
So follow your orders; forget what I do
And do not suppose that I care what is true"

"Sure I've broke the law and I've broken it good
Some lawyers that work for me told me I could
And judges I've placed on the bench say I should
Whenever the 'war' makes it all understood"

"It's power that matters, and I've got it all
Just look at the Courts and the Congress in thrall
As I spread my word-magic focus-group pall
From K Street to Abramoff’s Washington Mall"

The Stud Hamster waddled around as he spoke
Or "swaggered" as Texans say, trying to joke
About a frat boy throwing up rum and coke
While trying to grin as his country goes broke

It's gotten so bad with Bin Laden these days
He keeps making videos, showing it pays
To jerk on the chain of Stud Hamster who prays
That one day a Rupture will End all his Days

And that phony trial of Saddam in Bagdhad
Has sure become something that makes no one glad
As judges and lawyers and witnesses bad
Reveal to Americans how they've been had

For if this Hussein had been such a bad egg
Why then does the "evidence" still have to beg
The question of why the trial's not in the Hague
Where people know how to do things not so vague?

These Soviet show trials and Potemkin towns
Make those who resort to them look like such clowns
Sure each stupid war has its ups and its downs
But Hamster's got two of them in which he drowns

So now his trite speeches put no foe to rout
The Hamster gets testy; goes into a pout
Then he turns on his soldiers, their contracts to flout
And stop-losses them so they cannot get out

This breaking of promises now seems to mark
America lurching along in the dark
With Stud Hamster still having fun on his lark
Which Bin Laden sees as no bite and all bark

Stud Hamster just couldn't abide freedom's moan
He liked it abroad just not too close to home
He ruled a scared land where the buffaloed roam
And mouthed platitudes with his lips flecked with foam

You see, Hamster's mommy just wouldn't permit
The slightest suggestion that George wasn't fit
To grapple with problems requiring a wit
Or any IQ but the tiniest bit

He wanted so much to think well of his deeds
So speechwriters wrote him some mean little screeds
That George could recite to a Congress that feeds
Upon the young lives of a nation that bleeds

Stud Hamster needs soldiers to die in his fight
As long as their coffins are kept out of sight
And none of their mothers turn on his night light
To show that his wrongs don't add up to a right

The Congress rolls over and plays dead on cue
As long as they skim off the cream as their due
And no one dares ask why the people they screw
Cannot wear a T-shirt expressing their view

But none would allow a discouraging word
To trouble the life of this spoiled little turd
Who sent men to die for a "reason" absurd
And lived in a bubble where no thinking stirred

The nation's incompetent ruler must reign
Despite all his wreckage; despite all our pain
As long as the rich rack up more of the gain
And taxes keep falling like drops of gold rain

And never must any unpleasantness mar
The Hamster's impression of life from afar
For like a conned rube in a sucker's bazaar
He golfs with our lives and scores way over par

To make sure that power goes straight to his head
His mothers make sure he has nothing to dread
And so keep him far from the maimed and the dead
And sing him to sleep while they tuck him in bed

And focus-group gurus more dead than alive
Who market their slogans from nine until five
Hold Switzerland parties in Davos where strive
The world's greatest wannabes swapping their jive

Where Kerry shows up just to show he's got clout
Except in the Senate where he's frozen out
Of Hillary's entourage leading the rout
Confirming Bush judges who our values flout

Whenever John thinks he just gets in a bind
Displaying to all his unknowable mind
You can just see the wheels and the gears start to grind
Like he doesn't know if he should shit or go blind

Who needs "opposition" that just wants the same
And offers excuses so long and so lame
And seeks nothing better than dodging the blame
For helping George Bush put the world to the flame?

They transmit a picture of color unmixed:
Some hypnotized white folks by bullshit transfixed
Who'll work to make sure that elections are fixed
For the man who has just their retirements deep-sixed

As Frank Luntz the "word lab" guy says for a price
Just find the right language that makes nasty nice
They won't know what hit them when you turn to vice
To rob them of not just their bowl but their rice

The people who buy into brands and their themes
Do not really notice the cattle-prod memes
That mask all the well-designed, larcenous, schemes
To rake in their cash in return for some dreams

The lonely cult-follower needs to belong
So just peddle to him a sweet siren song
Then sell him some tennis shoes: he'll go along
As long as his purchases make him feel strong

Like Pavlov with Madison Avenue's bell
Or Steve Jobs with Apple computers to sell
The geeks after buying will happily yell:
"Not just a machine, but some `way cool' as well!"

The premium profits accrue to the one
Who knows how to make eating Cheerios fun
While teaching some children to handle a gun
So they win our battles but leave us undone

The war that he needs cannot ever conclude
For that would leave time for some thought to intrude
Which might lead to questions forthright if not rude
As to why our Stud Hamster is one stupid dude

For having no need of the wars that he ran
He felt not the slightest of needs for a plan
For didn't all things just work out for a man
Who never once paid for the fights he began?

The cool word "whatever" has such a nice ring
It covers up pretty much any damn thing
Except when subpoenas to testify wring
A croak from the stool pigeons starting to sing

But still the Stud Hamster keeps spouting his noise
He wants to remain with the rest of the boys
Who get to command foreign legions as toys
Instead of the cell that an inmate enjoys

Michael Murry, "The Misfortune Teller," Copyright 2006

Wow, that's as long as Chaucer. Nice, tho.

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I don't have an avatar yet, and I want to be funny like the poster too. So I think I'll use the Reverend Wright. Because just like Bill disapponted Monica, so too did Senator Obama disappoint the Reverend when the Senator lied for political reasons (just like Bill :)) about his relationship with the reverend. I don't mind the reverend, but politically Obama couldn't stay with him (just like Bill and Monica). Get used to it folks; the guy that you and me will be voting for in November is lying about his relationship with his spiritual mentor; isn't that hilarious????

But of course I won't do that because I understand that words and actions matter. But is this where you folks are at? Ha Ha, all the way to defeat in November.

The poster's avatar is Monica Lewinsky. It is sooooo funny; imagine how funny it will be when it is still using the same avatar in October. Keep reminding us how much you hate the Clintons. Go ahead. I dare you.

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It just gets more and more absurd.

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Close, but no Cigar!. Monica loved the Clintons. Big and Little Willie, that is. They know that, and just wish that she had inhaled.

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Yes, liam, I'm so impressed with what you write. I have told you once before that there is absoloutely no bigger asshole on this website than you. And I stand by that. But, remember liam, and etch it into your cretin-like little mind--Senator Obama is about honesty and a new direction. So tell me liam, what is his achilles heel? And, remember, he has my vote. I'm a Democrat first because I see people in my line of work every fucking day who depend on a progressive administration in DC. Even you and the asshole poster with the asinine avatar couldn't get me to vote GOP. I am a real Democrat liam. You best be worrying about the rest of the nation, you idiot.

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You got in all your reverend Wright shots, and the Hillary campaign keeps on taking their race baiting shots.
The Clinton camp tried to emasculate Senator Obama, and has Hillary equipped with three testicles. Hillary is now proclaiming: White Power Points The Way, but you are outraged about someone's avatar. When Hillary stops playing her race baiting game, and the Clintons stop trying to emasculate Senator Obama, then I will stop giving them a dose of their own medicine.

I do not believe in taking the passive aggressive approach, like you did with your Reverend Wright screed. You are one of those self absolving, back stabbing sanctimonious types that keeps on telling us how you noble you are. You are not fooling us. You just got through calling me a bunch of dirty names, but you want me to talk nice about race baiters like you and the Clintons. Get bent!

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edit;
how noble you are.

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Liam:

Go back over the months and months in this campaign. See how miniscule the number of times are that I have ever said anything nasty about Senator Obama. My head is held high, and the people on this website whose opinions are important to me know that I have not talked trash in this campaign.

On the other hand, you liam, are a fool; and people on this website know that too.
Liam, tell us, what will you be doing when the Democratic contest is over? What's left for you? The gutter? The sewer? You are no different that the Rush Limbaugh dittoheads liam; you are just another pea in that pod. In short, liam, you are pathetic.

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I repeat:

You got in all your reverend Wright shots, and the Hillary campaign keeps on taking their race baiting shots.
The Clinton camp tried to emasculate Senator Obama, and has Hillary equipped with three testicles. Hillary is now proclaiming: White Power Points The Way, but you are outraged about someone's avatar. When Hillary stops playing her race baiting game, and the Clintons stop trying to emasculate Senator Obama, then I will stop giving them a dose of their own medicine.

I do not believe in taking the passive aggressive approach, like you did with your Reverend Wright screed. You are one of those self absolving, back stabbing sanctimonious types that keeps on telling us how you noble you are. You are not fooling us. You just got through calling me a bunch of dirty names, but you want me to talk nice about race baiters like you and the Clintons. Get bent!

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Just reread my post. I need to apologize. I wrote "just like you and me", and I should have written "just like you and I".

Thanks for the grammar correction! Excellent points all around!

I'm persuaded. After all, my idiotic avatar can remind no one of anything important. No real Democrat minded Bill's failure to resign after trashing the party for his libido. No Democrat thinks it cost Gore the election. Bill's disbarment was a charade. Thanks for the update.

Thanks for playing 'my lengthy comment says nothing more intelligent than your busty avatar.'

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I will rest well tonight because people interested in November know that I am absolutely correct in what I'm writing. You, on the other hand, can remain in the mire and help John McCain, just like you fear Billy Glad will be doing. Oh, yes, but you are really really funny; did I tell you that?

Now I agree that Liam comes across as about as rude as you can get prior to getting a full Troll trophy. But I think that your ego coems out in every post (not that I have any room to talk) and your ego always says bslev is right regardless.

This little stone throwing contest you got into is indicative of this.

Your surety that Obama cannot win comes from what exactly? Other than the old schoolers (seemingly yourself included) who swear they will vote for McCain cuz that nasty colored man can't be trusted.

I think you look real purty-like, MonicaL.

This thread is creepy. Just putting it out there.

There's a lot of anger out there.

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The Clintons" blatant race baiting is starting to cost them big time.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/10/opinion/10herbert.html?_r=2&hp=&oref=slogin&pagewanted=print

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If nothing else, Obama's campaign---and the Clintons' response will give historians a more accurate perspective---in fact---maybe someone will connect the dots all the way back to Ricky Rector---a black man in Arkansas, who had blown away one third of the physical matter of his brain, who said he was going to vote for Clinton to be president, and who saved half his sandwich for later-----after he helped the Arkansas executioners get the needle into his arm correctly, the same weekend that the Clintons appeared on 60 minutes and we first learned that Hillary was not some sort of lower class trailer trash figure like Tammy Wynette just standing by her man.

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