I have a habit of calling a lot of my coworkers "Hon" (short for honey) and I think it's because I'm older than a lot of my coworkers.

I'm only 43 (well, 44 in less than six months) but a lot of my coworkers are in their 20's.

Sometimes I call people "sweetie" (if I'm in a good mood and I agree with what they have to say) and sometimes I call people "sunshine" (if I'm feeling snarky and I'm not sure I agree with what they have to say).

Sometimes I'm called "Ma'am", and I'm not really sure I like that, because I don't feel old enough (in my heart, if not my bones) to be called "Ma'am", yet.

But I will never, ever forget the time I had a shorter hairstyle and wore a jeans jacket to the local supermarket and the bag boy said, "Sir, do you want me to bag your cigarettes or do you want to carry them?"

Man, did that suck. I'd really rather he'd have called me "Sweetie".

This is a good post. Inflection for me is big. I've had guys toss off a 'sweetie' or 'dear' at me and ignored it...I have loads more other REAL stuff in my life that worth getting upset over than a word. But inflection...if it's said sneeringly, it's on. There's a slight race factor involved: I can not stand a white woman to say it to me, because it seems so plantation...but if they're obviously in their 50s (I'm 35) I'll ignore it. Young white women who aren't my best friend...don't go there. About 6 years ago, I worked with this 19 year old maniuplative asshat who called everyone 'sweetie' or 'hon'. She called her boss pumpkin. I told her straight up, "I have a name, I expect you to use it." If she was 30 years old, I'd have let her get away with it. Grudgingly.

My Arab/Middle Easter, Pakistani and Indian "aunties" can call me whatever they want. A black woman can call me whatever she wants--with black women, I actually defer to them, "Yes, ma'am", "No ma'am" and the like. I couldn't call any of these women by their first names. The older black women are known as Ms. whateverhernameis and the others are Auntie whateverhernameis.

Latina women...I'm 35 years old and I'm still being called mija. I roll with it, but this afternoon the lady at the store called me mija and she looked younger than me. I almost said something...man, at least call me ruca, usted oye?

This is to point out the extenuating circumstances: inflection, race, age, and location. I think there should be sense of professionalism. If it was up to me, these terms would be banned in a work environment and never with customers. But at a party, the mosque, informal settings...I'll let it slide and wait for the day I can be condescending and call everyone dandybottom or sweetcheeks and they can't say a thing because I'll be old, son!

Another non issue.

Here in Baltimore, "Hon" is so institutionalized it is even on the bumper stickers.

I read somewhere that waitresses were supposed to do certain things to glean a larger tip. Using pleasantries like "sweetie" was one of them. Touching the patron on the shoulder, and putting hearts on the bill-of-fare were others.

The reason it is acceptable for women to do but not for men is because men are not threatened by women but women are by men. If women thought they were mens equals then they wound not be offended by trivia like this. It is just like blacks being offended by racial slurs and other ethnic groups not being sensitive to them. If you are confident of your status you are not woried about foolish name calling or language that is overly familiar.

mememe, same with me. I call my kids Sweetheart, so just about everyone I know gets called Sweetheart once in awhile by accident. Kind of like my parents used to go through all of their children's names until they hit the right one - Sweetheart is much easier, but then gets dangerous.

"there's a world of difference between the connotations of "sweetie," in a sexist world, and "buddy" - let's not equate the two."

There's one thing not different in a sexist world: sexism is, as it always has been, a TWO-way street.

All my life, and I ain't even an Autumn chicken, from earliest memories, women have been talking about what "men" are -- not in the sense of what they actually are, mind you, but in the sense that they actually know what men are from actually having been men.

Never, however, have I ever heard any male, regardless age, sit around determining what women are.

One of the most offensve of female sexisms, especially currently, is the knee-jerk pointing away from themselves and proper self-scrutiny, followed by accusations of sexist "insenitivity" and the like.

So how about getting off your petulant, arrogant high horse, FlyOntheWall, and getting honest -- beginning with yourself, and the offensiveness of your conduct?

"The reason it is acceptable for women to do but not for men is because men are not threatened by women but women are by men."

According to whom? SOME women?

Every hear of lying for leverage?

Ever notice that some are about pursuit of truth, but others about pursuit of power -- and in the latter instance will say and do anything to get it? Including falsely claim to be offended in order to intimidate and at least imply threat?

Here's an example:

I have a friend who moved out of the house, then filed for divorce against his wife. Both actions obviously communicated, "I don't want to be near her."

The next day, the wife applied for a restraining order. On what grounds? That she wanted him to stay away from her. Despite the obvious, she got the restraining order.

She was a "victim," ya see, of . . . what exactly? Failing to be in line ahead of him at the courthouse?

"If women thought they were mens equals then they wound not be offended by trivia like this."

If women who think they are superior to men -- and there are many -- want to get their way, they will say anything and play any game to do so.

It is clearly sexist for a man to say, "Men are more intelligent than women." But no one seems to object when a woman says, "Women are more intelligent than men." It's "okay" for her to say that, of course, because she "actually" "thinks" she is inferior.

"It is just like blacks being offended by racial slurs and other ethnic groups not being sensitive to them. If you are confident of your status you are not woried about foolish name calling or language that is overly familiar."

And if the person using such "affectionate" "intimate" language has an undisclosed agenda, your "status" means diddley if she intends to get an equivalent response so she can then make an issue of it.

Note that FlyOntheWall points out how the reporter acted like an ass, and yet she makes an issue of and criticizes Obama for having used a term which in context is simply warm and friendly, and not at all out of line. (And who gets to define "out of line"? The experts on sexism and impropriety: women.)

Though most women won't admit it -- they may want to use the same gambits some day -- some will: they know at least as well as aware men that women can be at least as underhanded as men. Read up on the use of "indirect aggression" -- which in real terms usually means: manipulating others to do the dirty work for her while she stands by looking innocent, and all of it based upon the "victim model" -- i.e., all violence is committed by males/women are only ever victims.

Women know exactly what I mean.

FlyOntheWall is one who knows exactly what I mean, and is also one who won't admit it.

You're right, of course, fly. But it was fun to revel in the lighthearted banter that Boyd wrote.

I think sweetie,...is a term of affection in regard to how nice a person is. In America, ,...it is often used with familiarity, although I have encountered it almost everytime I walk into a diner and an middle aged woman takes my order. So it is often used in customer relations as Mr. Reed pointed out. It's pretty standard, "being nice",..in that regard and I've never taken offense but often wondered if they were just doing that just to get a bigger tip. In Obama's case, it would seem that he would would more likely use "sweetie" with his daughters or maybe his wife,....so it is indeed a little odd that he would say that to a reporter. Maybe, it was simply a slip of the tongue because his daughters were around or whatever and he therefore regretted it and apologized afterwards. I would say its a term often said between generations such as "Parents or Grandchildren to their children or grandchildren". Unless Obama has a reoccurring habit of calling young beautiful reporters sweetie,...it's probably best to drop this ridiculousness. Definitely not news worthy but it again points out how desperate news station are sometimes to get a controversy. If they want a controversy,...Here's one,....George Bush just possibly called the majority of Americans appeasers. Sounds like another war cry by a man who's own family were finiacial appeasers in WW2!

Dismissive comment yes, perhaps for being an inexperienced reporter, perhaps a girl. I still gotta believe Hillary, in 35 years of expeiencs, has called a man a term of endearment and escaped criticism. McCains probably gotten a few passes too, though I see him using the word "dear" more than sweetie.

It's all about context. The most important part of the context, imho, is power. When a person with more objectively judged power refers to another person, another adult, as "sweetie", "hon", "girlie", "boy" or "kid", it's about asserting power over the other person.

I saw and heard the video of Obama and cringed, particularly when you hear the deep male chuckles that followed his remark to the female reporter. Obama should know better. (And no, it's not about his kids. Listen to the way he talks to the reporter and it's clearly not affectionate or parental. Patronizing, yes.) At least he apologized, seemingly sincerely.