She'll be back.

Good grief, how awful for you. She did this on the phone? For a guy she met on the bus? It sounds like you were blindsided. I'm in my mid 50's and have survived divorce myself. While you can't see it now, there is life on the other side of this betrayal and the pain. And there is likely to be deep happiness once you get past the part that really, really, really sucks. Sending you kind thoughts and a prayer from Pittsburgh.

I am so sorry. I feel for you. Rejection is always so painful but even more so when it's by someone whom you had had every reason to believe was with you for life. And it's so much worse when it's someone who was your best friend, not just an `in lerv` thing.
There'll obviously be times when you're simply overwhelmed with grief; but in the between times, I've found a couple of things that help. One is to simply recognise the old truism that `this too shall pass` and steel yourself to get through until it has.
The other that I think is very helpful is to hold on very strongly to one crucial thing; given that she's left to be with someone else, when you start to slip into thinking of her, pining, whatever - bear in mind that she's not thinking of you at all. She's actually with someone else. I think there's a natural pride in most of us. It *feels* outrageous to be pining for someone who's off somewhere else having a marvellous time with someone else. It feels absurd to be obsessing about someone who most of the time probably isn't giving one any thought at all but getting on with her life.
I hope that makes sense and is helpful. More than anything I hope you have much that you're involved in that feels worthwhile and good friends to turn to who'll help you see this through.
Know your Bukowski? `There is always one woman to save you from another.`
Obviously not straight away but `this too shall pass` and one day...

Just from the glimpse that you've written, how she chose to "end" the relationship was not cool.

You don't use people to stair step in an obvious narcissistic way. It shows the character of the person that you've been involved with. If they use you for their own supply, you can never be sure if they are pretending or not.

If there was real understanding, she would have given you a better opportunity for closure.

What's going to hurt more than this drama, is the realization that you may not have really known her as you thought you did.

Do what you need to. But don't feed the drama. Do what you need to do emotionally. But don't feed the drama. If you don't allow yourself to be supply or the "rescuer". And don't allow her to manipulate your feelings when in a vulnerable state.

Don't listen to blues nor read or listen to romantic tales. Take naps, eat light and curtail caffine and alcohol.

Once you let it go. It feels great.

"The sky will open up and...." well, you know the rest.

O...I see you're already there in saying that you're not going to be used as a backup plan. That's great.

AND you're already there in realizing that you deserved better.

Whenever in my youth a girlfriend broke up with me, I felt as if the chambers of my heart were being shredded to pieces. Much drama with not a glimmer of hope.

This feels more powerful and more subtle all at the same time. The tectonic plates have shifted, and something subterranean rumbles in the core of my soul, as if God has bumped into the planet on his way to bed and tilted the Earth upon its axis. My world has changed irrevocably. Still, I sense the night will pass, no matter how many days it takes. I trust that not all is lost forever.

I was going to offer some kind thoughts, but then I reread your post titled "Hillary Nearly Bursting With Shit", and I decided that your wife probably made the right decision.

"Good grief, how awful for you. She did this on the phone? For a guy she met on the bus? It sounds like you were blindsided. I'm in my mid 50's and have survived divorce myself. While you can't see it now, there is life on the other side of this betrayal and the pain. And there is likely to be deep happiness once you get past the part that really, really, really sucks. Sending you kind thoughts and a prayer from Pittsburgh.

"Posted by pittsburghdemocrat"

Unfortunately, that cowardace is the norm among women. And it is typical that they

1. First establish a "certain thing" with another man, and work through their withdrawal from the first relationship, before informing the guy being left that she's leaving.

2. By then, she's all done with it, and he's only just beginning with it. But diespite the fact he needs facts in order to deal with the wound, she ain't about to start telling the truth, so all she'll give is self-serving lies as bandiads which, because lies, don't fit the wound.

3. And if the man presses her for truth instead of the lies, she, when she tires of having to lie to him instead of "getting on with her life," will get someone else to do the dirty work for her -- at taxpayer expense -- by applying for and getting a restraining order.

I've seen it happen again and again, including to friends, in recent years to one who with his wife had several kids. She then "fell in love" with a lawyer, with substantially greater income than the friend, who was "only" a college-educated social worker.

I even saw happen a friend who filed for divorce -- he wasn't living with his wife at the time -- whose wife filed the very next day for a restraining order, as if his filing for divorce didn't clearly communicate: "I don't want to be near her."

She got the restraining order.

I don't mean to imply that it being a common occurrance will ease the pain. Perhaps, though, knowing it's common will result in you not also blaming yourself for decisions and actions which were/are entirely hers, and for which she alone is responsible.

And that includes: even if she were finally persuaded to actually tell you the "truth" (which would most likely to be about your "faults"), it would be too late for her to be believed in view of her own dishonest actions.

Many of use have been there, Rip. You'll get through - a day at a time. Can't really say it's all for the best - but it is what it is and after some time passes you just get to the point of accepting it. Allow yourself to go through what you have to go through - be angry and be sad and over time those feelings will be not quite as intense and you'll find that you're moving on, slowly but surely.

Sorry for what you're going through. There is life after a divorce, it just really, really sucks getting there. Best of luck to you!

Find a congenial place for long walks. It's amazing how quickly my mind got quiet when I was under trees and near water when something similar happened multiple years ago.

Don't drink too much. A few now and then is good, getting blasted every night, not so much.

Thanks to all who have posted kind thoughts, prayers and bits of wisdom. Believe it or not, it actually helps. My best wishes for all of you.