Doctors from the Mayo Clinic were flown into Indianapolis tonight to relieve the pressure in Sen. Clinton's innards. A preliminary examination showed she was full of crap from eating all the shit sandwiches she was forced to eat by falling further behind in the counts of pledged delegates and popular votes. She also lost the white vote in North Carolina, a "big state" of the kind her campaign has emphasized as an alternative metric. She lost the state by 14 points and narrowly escaped a loss in Indiana, which would have been the shit dessert in her multi-course shit meal.