Hey, I'm as patriotic a guy as anybody-- and when I see Bill Ayers
stomping on that flag I just hope and pray that Ronald Reagan will come
back to life, crawl out of his brine tank and go eat that
motherfucker's face.



And I find it troubling that some of our more unusually named
Presidential candidates refuse to keep a small metal version of the
stars and stripes pinned to their lapels at all times-- McCain actually
wears a full Captain America costume underneath his suit at all times--
that's patriotism. And on the Straight Talk Express, he even wears the
mask!



But the American Legion can huff and wheeze about a constitutional
amendment all they want-- I don't think we're dreaming big enough. In
his farewell address George Washington suggested something much more
bold. To wit:



"And I tell ye, verily, that amennding [sic] be not sufficient with
respect to the establishment of the wearreing [sic] of flag buttaroons
[colonial slang for pins] and the non-desecration of larger form flags,
nay-- instead an ammmmendinng [sic] of the very Bible, verily, I say,
should be of utmost import."



And why the fuck not, to paraphrase MLK (Or maybe that was LBJ) amend
the Bible? We've only had ten commandments for 2000+ years, and only
three states have fewer laws than that on the books. The state of
Missouri only has one: "No Gay Stuff."

Vermont only has four-- and two of them regulate the use of Birkenstock sandals during various seasons.

Las Vegas law is ambiguous enough to promote much debate among the
members of the State Supreme Court-- the single phrase that makes up
its constitution, "What Doth Occurre [sic] in Vegas Doth Remain in
Vegas," is the stuff Constitutional Law scholars dream of.



But the rest of the states are a muddled, bureaucratic mess, which is
really the way the Founders intended it. And Jesus, by extension, wants
it that way too.



There is no particular precedent to amending the Bible-- some policy
analysts point out that in most Bibles there are several blank pages,
or in some cases even a "Notes" section. This seems like the perfect
place to add the flag burning and flag-lapel-pill wearing decrees. Most
Americans have a bible, or at least a children's version with
color-in-pharisees and such-- and all the President needs to do is
write up an Executive Order, or slip it into the signing note on the
next omnibus bill-- really, the possibilities are limitless. One
wonders why this hasn't occurred to anyone before. Hell, the Tom Delay
era wasn't that long ago-- are we sure this isn't a law already?
Someone should check that.



George W. Bush has a legacy to rescue, and what better way to endear
himself to the American Public than by adding to the Bible itself? Lets
be honest with ourselves. John J. Asshat (R. Minnesota) doesn't know
anything about the Constitution-- but he knows Revelations
front-to-back. And there are no two-headed beasts or death and
destruction in the Bill of Rights, so we really have no one to blame
but ourselves for this. Shakespeare knew you have to play to the
groundlings, why couldn't TJ Jefferson figure it out?



The fiercely patriotic among us will have their satisfaction, and as a
bonus, Lucifer himself will chew on Bill Ayers' bones in the sweet
hereafter.



Everybody wins.