Arecibo, Puerto Rico (June 4) TPM--Hillary Clinton stood before a crowd this morning, flanked by her daughter, Chelsea, her pollster Geoff Garin, and her Internet liaison Matthew Weaver.  The score from Evita played in the background.  Following is the full text of her concession remarks:

 
I am proud to stand here before the good people of Puerto Rico, who have taken us into their hearts and homes, offering us lovely meals of lechon asado and naranjas agria.  Chelsea and I will be taking some roast pig and sour orange juice back to Chappaqua.  I am so proud to have won two-thirds of your primary's votes.  Proud that my supporters changed Puerto Rico's contest in March from a caucus to a primary, to give me a shot at winning the popular vote within primaries, even though Puerto Rico doesn't vote in the general election.  So proud that, after I campaigned on my newly articulated support for Puerto Rican statehood and massive subsidies for Puerto Rican sugar growers, the people of these fair isles rewarded us with their solidarity.  Muchos gracias, Puerto Rico!
 
However, I have just learned that superdelegate commitments, and my opponent winning recent primaries in Indiana, South Dakota, and Montana, have now made Senator Barack Obama the Democratic Party's nominee.  It is now time for Democrats to come together behind our nominee, which sadly, and against my better judgment and that of fifteen million voters, appears to have selected him to run for President.  Let me now offer my most sincere congratulations and my concession of this race to Senator Obama, and my reasons for endorsing him as we move forward. 
 
First, I recognize that Senator Obama changes the electoral map.  While he will probably lose large and important states like Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Florida to Senator McCain, I am sure he will perform very well in the states that Jesse Jackson won in the 1988 primaries, like South Carolina.  Senator Obama, like Jesse Jackson, has run a strong campaign.  And Jesse Jackson did well in those states.  So I'm sure that Barack Obama will do well there too. 
 
Second, I endorse Senator Obama, because his religion, whatever it is, is absolutely not an issue and may incidentally benefit his candidacy.  Let me repeat:  although this campaign has clarified that we do have different taste in pastors, and my pastors have more conventional views of September 11th, and patriotism, Senator Obama's religion is absolutely not an issue.  But despite the Afrocentric views of his radical pastor, I think it is fairly clear, and reasonably likely, that Senator Obama is not a Muslim.  The substantial confusion some have about whether he is a Christian, as he sometimes claims, or is some kind of closeted Muslim Manchurian candidate, planted here by Indonesian radicals in the '60's, may actually turn out to enhance America's credibility in the Muslim world.  And this may actually turn out to be a good thing for America, despite the legitimate apprehension Israel may harbor about the Senator's background or willingness to meet unconditionally with President Ahmedinajad.  
 
Third, I also recognize that one important part of being President is making big speeches, and getting everybody all worked up.  And when it comes to getting people worked up, Barack is the king.  Did you see the video from San Antonio when he blew his nose, and people clapped?  It may only be words (or mucus, in that case), but whatever he does seems to get people fired up and ready to go.  So Barack's sloganeering is another reason I support him.  Even if the slogans are borrowed without attribution.  But why should I be bitter about his plagiarism?  After all, the hits I've taken in this campaign are nothing compared to what the American people face every day.  And as I've said, I'll be fine.  What matters is if the American people will be. 
 
Fourth, Senator Obama is, as my supporters and my husband have made clear, articulate.  And as I mentioned in the South Carolina debate, he is a bright young African-American man.  Such an articulate, charming young fellow can win the Presidency.  Of course, he's no Jack Kennedy, since he was not a war hero, like John McCain, but voters sometimes look past that.  I think.  We'll see, anyhow.
 
Candidly, I am running out of nice things to say about Senator Obama.  Bill Ayers.  I guess I'm pretty sure that he will grow into the Commander in Chief job.  Weather Underground.  Once he's in the Oval Office, he will necessarily cross and recross the Commander in Chief threshold, which is actually a secret wire with a sensor I set up under the rug near the West Wing to check on what Bill was doing at 2 in the morning.  If nominated to serve as Vice President, I could show Barack where it is, and make it easier for him to cross that threshold. 
 
Oh, and did I mention, Barack's not as old as John McCain, and he hasn't called his wife a vulgar slang for female genitalia, or suggested that my daughter was ugly and sired by Janet Reno, as John McCain has.  So even though I seem to get along better than John McCain, whom I deeply respect and admire, I guess Barack has not insulted women and my daughter the way John McCain has.  Some women may care about that, I guess.  
 
So don't cry for me, Puerto Rico!  The smaller states, red states, Democratic party activists, elitist educated folk, and MoveOn.org just won't have Hillary Rodham Clinton to kick around any more.  Thank you all for letting me take this campaign all the way to Arecibo and its lovely satellite dish array, and God bless America, but particularly the Rust Belt states of the industrial Midwest and Northeast, Appalachia, California -- and Puerto Rico!