Hi, I am your jungle guide.  I instructed you and your family to leap into this pit of quicksand with me.  We are now up to our necks.

At this point, we gain nothing by talking about who got us here - who made "mistakes", who is or isn't competent, whether or not I was ever qualified to be a jungle guide in the first place.  That's just rehashing the past - in fact, it borders on "revisionist history."

No, these questions get us nowhere.  What's important now, is that you trust everything I tell you and have total confidence in my ability to get us out of this quicksand.  I think I've earned at least that much respect.

You see, getting out of this quicksand has become a "must win" for all of us, and when you propose taking a quick or "precipitous" route out of the quicksand, you're being disloyal to me, your jungle guide, and frankly to your entire country (by the way, are you wearing a flag lapel pin?)

The problem here is that the quicksand is not the right consistency.  We need to try to firm it up, until it becomes nice solid ground, so then we can just walk right out of here.  So while it may seem that you and your family are "drowning", what we're really doing is treading for awhile, stirring things up.  After awhile, this quicksand will start to "set".

So that's the plan.  You guys keep treading - you're doing a great job.  I'll keep giving you reports on our outstanding progress. 

One more small thing to mention.  I'm just a temp jungle guide, and my time ends in January.  So at that time, a chopper is going to come airlift me out of this quicksand.  Unfortunately, there's not room for all of us (well, really just for me). 

But I'm positive that by then your quicksand treading will be opaying dividends.  Corners will be turned.  Lights will be coming on in tunnels.

So sorry that the jungle tour didn't turn out as planned.  But don't worry about payment.  I've got your grandkids' credit card, so I'll just put it on that.