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A few months back a good friend of mine, who is currently freelancing in Lebanon to research how weapons move into the hands of Hezbollah, pointed out to me that Bill O'Reilly has a selection of fine apparel for sale. This revelation was not all that surprising in and of itself. What was surprising was some of the stuff that he prints on this apparel.
Of course, there's the typical "No Spin" or the "The Spin Stops Here". Ho-hum, but wait! Take a run through some of these fine examples:
"Don't Be a Pinhead" - Okay, it's fun.
"Don't Be a Popinjay" - Alright, now we're getting warm.
"Don't Be a Ninnyhammer" - Yes, I like where this is going.
Seriously. Popinjay? <i>Ninnyhammer</i>? What archaic dictionary is O'Reilly working out of?
Then there's these:
"Keep it Pithy" - This is the sort of irony I'm looking for.
"No Bloviating" - ...
No Bloviating? <i>Bill O'Reilly</i> is setting the rules and his rules are, apparently, keep it pithy and no bloviating.
Bill O'Reilly.
This is like Keith Richards telling you that you need to cut back on the partying.
So, my question for my fellow TPM readers at this late hour is: Which Bill O'Reilly shirt should I acquire to wear ironically? Also, what charity would you nominate for a tandem donation in order to offset the admittedly despicable act of giving Bill O'Reilly $20? ACLU? NLG? PFLAG? I'll field any nomination for this second choice, but the more it would piss off the Big Guy the better.
I thank you in advance for your valuable input!
Comments (28)
There's something vaguely inappropriate about "Don't block the shot" that I like, particularly if coupled with a PFLAG donation...
April 11, 2008 4:42 AM | Reply | Permalink
As a fan of basketball, I'm somewhat averse to the "Don't Block the Shot" shirt as a well-blocked shot is one of the most exciting things that can happen in a game. However, apparently this actually had to do with something that happened at an Obama event and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it means. In any case, I like the way you're thinking.
April 11, 2008 4:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
DF: Here's Bill-O losing his mind...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AH7otL44O5k
"That's Real Low Class Pal!" LMAO!
April 11, 2008 8:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
I happen to love "Don't block the shot" too... The clip of him yelling at that Obama staffer who stood in his way is hilarious. I love right wing radio (or Sports radio or Stern) when they play certain funny clips over again. Stevie Wonder Singing "B~a~r~a~c~k O~b~a~m~a!" or Howard Dean's scream or Rev. Wright saying "Bill Clinton was ridin' durty!" The stuff's just plain funny (now that it appears to do no damage, that is...).
Beyond "Don't block the shot", though, Bill O'Lielly can go to hell. [I saw him once outside FoxNews, and I was prepared to ask him if he knew where a Fallafel Stand was, but I couldn't get the words out... :( He's like 6'6" and you can tell he's a total a-hole...]
April 11, 2008 8:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
http://store.alfranken.com/Al-Franken-Logo-T-Shirt-p/ts26775.htm
$20 for your very own Team Franken Tee would be an acceptable (and obvious) offset.
April 11, 2008 5:41 AM | Reply | Permalink
Stick with what you like.
"Keep it Pithy", offset- The Nature Conservancy
My sentimental favorite though-
"Kids are Americans Too", offset- UNICEF
Why don't they have any men's shirts in that lovely shade of pink?
April 11, 2008 6:38 AM | Reply | Permalink
Actually - I think you've hit on something. How about a white "keep it pithy" and they dye it pink? That would play up the irony. You could offset by donating to breast cancer or something (only because donating to NOW or PFLAG would further perpetuate O'Reilly's stereotype that pink=unmanly).
AWESOME. Now I know why Lis crushes so hard on DF...
April 11, 2008 10:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Dear DF, I have a hard time imagining giving Bill'o any money, let alone wearing one of his shirts. After some consideration, though, I decided that the best approach was to imagine having the opportunity to meet him, and then to contemplate which shirt would cause him the most discomfort to see on a left-wing liberal academic.
The black shirt that says "Culture Warrior" seems to fit that bill best. I don't know if you are a bearded long-haired sherpa like your avatar, but if you had the chance to appear on his show, what statement would you want to display there?
In the end, though, I think a hair-shirt would be more comfortable!
April 11, 2008 8:25 AM | Reply | Permalink
Might be cool to inform NORML of an opportunity, and juxtapose thus:
"Don't be a pinhead---be a pothead."
April 11, 2008 10:24 AM | Reply | Permalink
"shall I massage you with my falafel?"
April 11, 2008 10:56 AM | Reply | Permalink
"wear ironically"
Don't forget to wear the shirt inside out before trying to iron yourself....
April 11, 2008 11:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
I think you stick with the classics: you can't beat a calm, discreet "The O'Reilly Factor" logo. Understatement is the best comedy.
April 11, 2008 11:50 AM | Reply | Permalink
If I put "DF" in the title of my next post, will it automatically make it to the recommended chart, too? I need new socks, maybe I'll write about that. ; )
April 11, 2008 12:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
DF works OK, but for real recommendations, I would go with Sinbad or flytonthewall. Maybe all three for good measure. And change your avatar. I'm sorry to be blunt, but short, large-nosed waterfowl that smell of herring are not sexy. Also, read articleman's tips on writing a successful post:
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/2008/03/ten-tips-on-how-to-write-a-suc.php
April 11, 2008 1:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
You're just jealous that you don't have a devil's head on your penquin underpants.
April 11, 2008 1:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
That's where you're wrong my friend. I do have a devil's head on my penquin underpants. It's the secret of my success.
April 11, 2008 2:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
How about a "Culture Warrior" t-shirt with a simultaneous donation to the Disable American Veterans Charitable Services Trust.
http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=search.summary&orgid=7589
Because warriors have to stick together!
April 11, 2008 12:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
If DF looks anything like his avatar, "Culture Warrior" would be awesome. It might even get him arrested at the airport.
April 11, 2008 12:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Between the hat and the facial hair, I've always thought that he looked like a bit like a certain Mongol warrior.
April 11, 2008 1:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm with Destor. Disabled Vets as the offset for the hypocrisy of the Bush supporters in failing to support soldiers when they return from this war.
I think, though, that you have to double down on the offset. Do send Bill a pic of yourself wearing it. Maybe it will get on the air. What a coup that would be. That screen shot could be your new avatar.
April 11, 2008 2:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
I am trying really hard to choose the right shirt for you, but I can't approve of buying anything from that guy...
April 11, 2008 7:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
How about buying an ORF shirt then screen printing the word "fuck" above it.
It's easy, you just need a bit of ink, a piece of paper, a knife, and a window screen. (everyone has those).
April 11, 2008 9:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
I like your crafty plan.
April 11, 2008 10:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think you should get the "Don't Be a Pinhead" and modify it a bit after you acquire it. Put a line through Don’t and put an obvious T into pinhead. After your adjustments it will read thusly:
Don't Be a Pinthead.
Donate tandem dollars (double it!!) to Nature Conservancy or ACLU.
April 12, 2008 1:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
er, there was supposed to be a strike through the Don't. It did not materialize, for some reason.
Should be:Don't Be a PinThead.
April 12, 2008 1:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
ok. I give up. Modify.
Be a Pinthead.
April 12, 2008 1:38 AM | Reply | Permalink
Don't buy any of them.. instead go to one of those print shops and have them make you one.
that way it's like you're stealing from Bill O'reilly.
April 12, 2008 3:46 AM | Reply | Permalink
On clearance, marked down from $39.95 to the low low price of $12.95, is the Culture Warrior Doormat. No, I am not making that up. Doormat.
It would be fitting to donate $12.95 to CoDA, codependents anonymous, the true doormats, the enablers of our culture warriors.
April 12, 2008 4:20 AM | Reply | Permalink
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