BY MEGAN ESTES

The Confederation of the Ku Klux Klan awarded author and columnist Ann Coulter with a lifetime achievement award for her “courageous work in promoting true American values.”

The organization recognized Coulter at their national conference, which was held in Vernon, Fla., this past weekend. Coulter attended the conference’s closing ceremonies to accept the award and deliver the keynote address.

Confederation president Robert Styles of Boggsville, Ky., gave Coulter a glowing 10-minute introduction. He acknowledged that Coulter, 46, is by far the youngest winner of the award to date, but said she was a near-unanimous choice because of her beliefs, fiery rhetoric, and achievements as a nationally syndicated columnist and bestselling author.

Styles said Coulter is “virtually alone in the mainstream media in speaking the truth on issues that are important to us. She is on our side when it comes to illegal immigration, religion, abortion, gun rights, welfare reform, homosexuality and affirmative action. In fact, if there’s going to be a ‘national conversation on race,’ it shouldn’t be Barack Hussein Obama leading it, but Ann Coulter.”

“I’m not so sure that I agree with you on all of the issues,” said Coulter in her opening remarks. “For starters, I consider myself to be a post-racial American. But one thing is certain, me winning this award and giving this speech is going to drive liberals insane. Excuse me - more insane.”

Coulter did little to distinguish her positions from those of the KKK. Instead, her speech focused on a number of issues of particular interest to her audience, including the history of the Confederate flag, immigration, race, national security, and the current presidential candidates.

Arguing that the Confederate flag was not a symbol of racism, Coulter contended that it “stands for a romantic image of a chivalric, honor-based culture that was driven down by crass Yankee capitalism.”

Coulter also unleashed a litany of provocative quotes on other subjects. On immigration: “We should use illegal immigrants to build a wall between the Mexican and U.S. border. Then, when they’re done, we should send them all back where they came from, along with all the other illegals.”

On Muslims: “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity.”

On Democrats and Republicans: “There are some bad Republicans, but there are no good Democrats.”

She also went after Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, taking a cue from Styles’ introduction. In it Styles cited Coulter’s April 2 column, which compared Senator Barack Obama’s 1995 memoir, “Dreams from My Father,” to Adolf Hitler’s “Mein Kampf.” He praised Coulter for exposing Obama as an “insecure racist” who if elected “would signal the final death knell for the American way-of-life.”

Coulter expounded on her reading of Obama’s memoir, focusing on his identity crisis during high school. She said that Obama’s “self-absorbed, self-important” reflections in the book made his controversial pastor, Jeremiah Wright, look like Booker T. Washington.

“Here’s a little inside scoop about white people: We’re not thinking about you,” said Coulter. “Especially WASPs. We think everybody is inferior, and we are perfectly charming about it.”

The audience, comprised predominantly of men and totaling approximately 150, contained their visible excitement during the first moments of the speech, but cheered louder and longer as it continued. The applause reached a crescendo when Coulter said that “Southerners are America’s warrior class.”

Coulter signed autographs after her speech and conversed amicably with attendees.

“She really hit the nail on the head,” said J.K. Gruber, a Klansman from Bell Towne, Ohio. “Some people say the Klan’s gone soft, but Ann sure hasn’t. She really feels like one of us.”

This story is not factual. It merely attempts to fabricate a plausible scenario.