The nation's body politic holds its collective breath anxiously awaiting the expected announcement on April 15 by Dr. Alan Keyes that he bids a not-so-fond farewell to the Reputzlican Party to run for President as the Constitution Party candidate.  The assumption here is that the anally retentive Constipation Party will gratefully hand its party line on a sliver-plated bible to the bilious blowhard at its national convention on April 23.  However, recent conversations on several relevant discussion boards leads one to believe the Keyester may not have such an easy time gaining the nomination, especially if veteran CP activists have their way.

Constipation Party leaders are receptive to a Keyes candidacy because they believe it will draw media attention, new members and most important of all, more money to pay their salaries and other expenses.  Grassroots activists, who don't need to dirty their hands with monetary matters, are not so easy to please. Specifically, they are upset with the Keyester's enthusiastic support for neocon wars and foreign entanglements.  Historically the Constipationalists, whose concept of liberty entails returning America to a time when the Constitution legitimized slavery, ethnic cleansing and female disfranchisement, have promoted a paleoconservative-isolationist view of the world.  More recently their position on most issues closely resembles the presidential campaigns of Pat Buchanan in 1992, 1996 and 2000.  It's a reasonable guess that many CP members are frustrated veterans of the Buchanan Brigades, the "peasants with pitchforks" who terrorized the GOP establishment with their win in the 1996 New Hampshire primary.

Of main concern to Democrats is whether the CP, with the third largest number of registered voters in the country, can pick off enough votes from the GOP ticket to make a difference in enough states.  In Florida, for instance, there may be enough upstate "hick votes" for a CP candidate to swing that state from red to blue.  If the Keyester heads the CP ticket they have a better chance to do that than they would with their previous nominees, notably Howard Phillips, who generated about as much enthusiasm as Tom Tancredo at a Cinco de Mayo party.  But indications are that "Buchananballers" and other CP purists, who oppose the Keyester's advocacy of neocon imperialism, will not pack up their guns and their bibles and go quietly into the political sunset.