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Troll For Hire: Will Blog for Beer
Hey, people! Do you like your candidate? Do you hate the rival campaign? How much?
Enough to pay someone to do a little dirty-trickstering on other sites?
That's where I come in.
Today I found real inspiration in Genghis' post suggesting he'd like to have a beer with some troll or another.
I know there are a lot of blog-o-piles out there who are trying to make a living by blogging. Well, I would love to do the same thing. But I'm not really that smart, or really that sober to go through the motions. Instead, I'd rather just take orders from you to go hit on some issue over at the pro-Hillary sites, or the pro-Obama sites, or the pro-McCain or pro-Gravel sites.
I'll work cheap. You can sign me up for one of those beer home delivery things. Or just pay-pal me a $1.23, which is the current sale price of the 40's down at Pickles Liquors.
What are my credentials you ask? What, are you some kind of CEO here hiring an accountant? No, dumbass, you are a hack who's hiring someone to do your dirty work. Just pay pal me my buck-twenty three, and the work will be done.
I assure you confidentiality. I will deny everything. I am willing to work for anyone. I can spread lies, rumors, photoshoped pictures, push You Tube videos, etc.
But please don't tell my mom. She's going to kick me out of the garage apt. if she catches me on DailyKos. She's a big Hillary supporter, and is currently boycotting that site.
Comments (23)
Woo boy! You are going to make some serious money on this, I suspect.
Actually, I'm kind of over the whole 08 presidential race, so I'll pass on the oppo research stuff. But if you would go over to DKos and post anything funny and surprising, I think that might count as an equally devastating hit.
By "surprising" I mean that it can't be incredibly pious about the virtue and power of the netroots. It also can't be "OMG -- Barack was just endorsed by Ned Lamont's vegan aunt!" Or "We love U Keith Olberman!!!" Or "I was so moved today when I talked to people on the subway about Barack. Update:Wow! First time on the rec list!"
Anything not in those categories would be surprising.
March 31, 2008 6:26 AM | Reply | Permalink
Rec'd!
April 1, 2008 6:37 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks T. I appreciate the suggestions. But I can assure you, I can still help you.
Tired of the pres race? Well, what about some down-ticket hits? I can go blog against the local congressional candidates. I hear that Wasserman something or another lady is a big target these days.
What about trolling around with VP talk? Who do you like a VP? Who do you hate? Why wait until June? Get me going now, and I can bring down Richardson with some nasty slams.
Please note, I refuse to troll against Jim Webb for VP. I think that guy might kill me with his bare hands.
March 31, 2008 6:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hva you tried the HRC camp ? I hear they hire trolls by rolls. However, don't expect to be paid... Yeah, that's a bummer.
March 31, 2008 6:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Look - I'm not charging $15 million. I'm charging a buck twenty-three. I gotta think that Mark Penn can steal that from the have-a-penny-leave-a-penny bin at the pro-shop at the Country Club.
March 31, 2008 7:05 AM | Reply | Permalink
"I'm charging a buck twenty-three."
That's exactly the problem. She only stiffs small people, small states, small ...
March 31, 2008 7:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, this could be extremely useful!
You know, I really *don't* like Bill Richardson. But I don't have anything substantial to use against him.
What I need is a bit more than trolling -- I really need someone to get the guy drunk and then use a cellphone to take compromising video while he does karaoke.
Can you do that as well?
March 31, 2008 7:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
Done. And remember, I also take a check or money order.
March 31, 2008 7:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Compromising video: that's where my money goes.
I think we could use a little footage that gets to the bottom of that story about Clinton having a vodka drinking contest with McCain in Estonia.
The story first appeared in the NY Times in July 2006.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/29/washington/29rivals.html?hp&ex=1154232000&en=8ab0da52365e5f57&ei=5094&partner=homepage
It includes what I believe is the earliest example of the who’s-a-commander-in-chief-you-and-me-honey, nobody-else meme:
“It was during their joint trip to Iraq in late February 2005 that Mr. McCain and Mrs. Clinton appeared via satellite on “Meet the Press,” an appearance that put their civility on display. When Mr. Russert asked Mr. McCain at the end of the interview whether he thought Mrs. Clinton would make a good president, Mrs. Clinton came to his rescue, saying: ‘Oh, we can’t hear you, Tim!’
‘Yeah, you’re breaking up,’ Mr. McCain added, laughing. But then he said: ‘I happen to be a Republican and would support, obviously, a Republican nominee, but I have no doubt that Senator Clinton would make a good president.’
Asked the same question about him, Mrs. Clinton replied without skipping a beat: ‘Absolutely.’”
Why do they sound just like people who had a vodka-infused one night stand, then decided to stay friends but with that little bit of mutually appreciative afterglow. Hmmmm?
In Hillary’s case, of course, Bill could have nothing to say about this. But by August, McCain went out of his way to deny the story to Jay Leno.
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=51439
So:
Somebody is lying.
Then again, maybe both are.
What really happened?
Why is she still sending him fond little “we’re the ones who are able to answer the phone at 3 a.m. messages” via the media.
What is “answer the phone” really code for? Hmmm?
If you could help out with this--maybe just find an Estonian who’ll talk? (you can touch up the translation)--I will buy you a keg.
March 31, 2008 7:36 AM | Reply | Permalink
In the video, would it be helpful if Emcee Rove was doing a kegstand in the background?
Uploading to Youtube in 5...4...3...2...
March 31, 2008 8:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
I think you missed the market, trolly-come-lately. We got all the trolls we need. What I need is someone to clean out my gutters. I tried to get John McCain to come do it at the low low cost of my vote. Some friend of his on a disappeared diary said John would totally be down with it. But the diary is gone and so I still need my gutters cleaned.
March 31, 2008 8:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, you could at least demand a good single malt, those 40's will kill you young...
March 31, 2008 10:18 AM | Reply | Permalink
Give me your e-mail address, and I will PayPal you $1.23 to do a hit piece on Genghis's sad policy proposal to use the proceeds from Asteroid-mining to finance the health-care system, and how my nanobot proposal is far superior.
March 31, 2008 3:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
Allsburg, give it up. You're hopelessly behind in the pledged delegate count and the popular vote. The only thing your gambit can possibly accomplish is to torpedo both our plans. Than Greg De Lassus will walk away with the victory. I don't even remember what his plan was. That was like, what, a month ago?
April 1, 2008 9:31 AM | Reply | Permalink
What can I get for 50 cents?
March 31, 2008 7:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Genghis will be on KO tonight in the worst person in the world winner for calling a Dem supporter on a Dem blog a troll.
He claims he is whacked out on prescrption drugs like most bloggers at TPM and the everlasting obamafog combined with prescription drugs has him screaming God damn America.
March 31, 2008 7:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
What, only republicans can be trolls? Sorry.
Plus, highly doubtful dembillc is actually a democrat. I similarly doubt that you are.
Plus, you are still upset that you were edged out of the race by such a newbie.
Plus, I almost didn't recognize you there, gotalife...
March 31, 2008 8:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Beware of "hidden" fees.
Hey, gotalife. Are you sure you're a Dem. Or are you just, maybe, temporararily registered as one, as I am.
I'm normally a Green. What are you?
:)
Just wondering.
March 31, 2008 7:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
cut and paste
March 31, 2008 9:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
In the words of Chelsea, "It is none of your business".
Actually, we are Dems and will take over this blog when she wins.
Then you will be the trolls.
March 31, 2008 9:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm pleased to have the support of gotalife for "worst person in the world" and am working to earn the endorsement of Keith Olberman. Despite gotalife's optimism, Keith has not told my campaign that he is ready to announce his endorsement of me -- so I'll keep working on it.
Guess I'll be the first one up against the wall.
PS I reject and denounce Bloody Island's attempt to cynically profit on our noble and virtuous quest.
March 31, 2008 11:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Even though right now we renounce and reject each other, after the nomination is decided, we all will be united in the era of Post-Trollery.
April 1, 2008 1:45 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'd like to put a hit out on Spencer Ackerman for leaving Muckraker. Consider yourself $1.23 more sloshed, my friend. In fact, if I could get a year's subscription for $9.99, I think we could do some serious damage.
Here's a head start... one word: "skullfucking."
April 1, 2008 6:51 AM | Reply | Permalink
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