Hillary,

Regarding our prior contract, I see that you are doing your best efforts to fulfill the terms of said contract.  I'd like to take this moment to review your progress and offer some suggestions to continue to achieve our mutual goals.

First, your embrace of surrogate is well, hellishly delicious.  Having long time icons of the democratic party, like Geraldine Ferraro and Bob Johnson, take the public stage on your behalf and say some of the most batshit stupid things I've heard in centuries is brilliant.  It leaves you with the ability to create the deniability space you need while getting the job done. 

Next, your judicious use of Bill on the campaign trail, trotting him out and then putting him back in the box, has been excellent.  Give the people a little tease, a taste of what it would be like to have Slick Willy and the Ice Queen back in charge and then pull it back, ever so slightly.  Masterful.

Lastly, I really respect your mastery of dog-whistle politics.  The coy "...as far as I know" in regards to Obama being a Muslim or not was pitch perfect - it allowed you to be able to state that you know he isn't and then drop the bomb of "but you know all them Muslims is sneaky bastards, so you never can tell!"  Boom!  Just brilliant.

But Hillary, there is more to do.  A couple of notes:

1.  You haven't done enough to co-opt Al Gore.  He's got a good thing going and, well, we here at the home office are a little concerned that he's trying and succeeding in getting people to focus on the damage they are doing to the environment.  We can't achieve the dream of Hell on Earth if he keeps going, so you'll need to embrace his agenda and them compromise it into submission, like you did Health Care the last time around.

2.  Get Mondale.  I'd suggest you resurrect Dukakis while you are at it, but you need to increase the irrelevancy factor of the DNC by bringing more of the old guard that has consistently failed to win elections for the past 25 years to the forefront.  Line 'em up as surrogates like Ferraro and get the incompetent Dream Team - Dukakis, Hart, Mondale, Ferraro, Bradley - all speaking for you.  Leave Carter to build houses, people actually respect him now.

3.  Shift your dialog towards compromise and conciliatory behavior towards your fellow sitting Senators and the Congresscritters, especially the GOP ones.  Take a page from Wasserman-Schultz in Florida and don't do any campaigning for down-ticket races.  It was brilliant of you to sit out the Foster race in Illinois!

4.  Spend a little more time and money on the county and state caucuses.  These are swingable processes and most of the Obaminations in the process are new, so it's easy to confuse them into voting for you.  Every delegate counts.

5.  Sorry about Spitzer; I know we had a deal where I was gonna keep him protected and knee deep in high-quality poon in exchange for his superdelegate vote, but some goody goody at the bank caught the moron structuring transactions and it all fell apart.  Don't worry, the stuff between you and Huma Abedin won't come up until after the general, I've got a confusion curse cast over the press.  This one's bulletproof, like the one that we've cast over the folks following the FISA bill in Congress.

6.  Don't worry about McCain, I've got some things planned in the general that involve a Vietnamese restaurant in Orange County, CA that will result in him cracking and Cindy being back on the no-pain train!  Just focus on beating the Obamination of Hope that crawled out of Chicago and we'll be home free.

7.  Bill.  Keep up the saltpeter in his food and I'll keep the Paula's away.  Just a couple more months and then we can let him go back to fishing in the trailer parks.

Love ya, remember, keep your eyes on the prize - you get the Presidency and I get to keep the harvest up in Iraq, Afghanistan and Central Africa.  The bonus pain of home foreclosures, collapsing dollar and rising food prices is just gravy!

Memphistophiles