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I'd like to announce my candidacy...
... for the Democratic nomination for the presidency of the United States of America.
I realize the odds are against me -- I have no money, I have no organization, I have no base, and all but eight states have voted -- but rest assured I have a strategy for capturing the nomination. It is as follows:
My two opponents, Sens. Clinton and Obama, are scheduled to debate in Philadelphia on April 16. I have not been invited to this debate, and I wouldn't show up even if an invitation were extended. The reason? My strategy involves a very large meteor entering Earth's atmosphere and burning its way straight towards the City of Brotherly Love. With a little luck, this meteor will strike the debate hall, killing both candidates in a great fiery explosion. When that happens, the superdelegates will have no choice but to support me, SvartVinbars, as the only candidate who can defeat John McCain in the fall.
Now, I've worked out my chances of success, and the odds of a meteor striking Philadelphia on the night of the debate are about 182,138,880,000,000 to 1 (if Hillary agrees to the North Carolina debate, my odds go up!). But I will not bow out while there is still a chance at the nomination. I owe it to America to stay in the race, but, more importantly, I owe it to myself.
So remember: Vote Vinbars, and think meteor!
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