Reader Posts
« previous | TPM CAFÉ READER POSTS HOME | next »
0 to Bitch in 6.3 Seconds
As I posted over the weekend, thanks to Tina Fey, we now have the strategy, "If you can't beat it, own it". There are two kinds of "bitch" - the beaten down bitch (Al Gore: "no controlling authority"), and the authoritative bitch (negative GQ story killed: "what a controlling bitch").
Political mythology has it that Hillary was way ahead and basically a shoo-in for President, but she blew it. Well, not quite. Of course she was way ahead when nobody cared - sheer name recognition - and throughout that there was her "baggage". Here's a rather funny but prescient animation on Hillary from October 2006, months before she announced, that aptly captures the attitude:
http://blogs.chron.com/nickanderson/archives/2006/10/hillarys_baggag_1.html
Bob Somersby at Daily Howler notes that conventional wisdom in early 2007 was that Obama would catch Hillary rather quickly. "Inevitable" was a term invented not by Mark Penn but by Politico.
And early on it was obvious how the press would play the female issue. The Washington Post recycled a post on Hillary cleavage that had failed to draw scandal the year before (presumably "pimping" herself). A long NY Times page one article on the travel habits of the Clintons, their time alone and the possibility of that Bill could be fooling around. (Funny that confirmed adulterous candidates on the road like Giuliani and McCain bypassed this speculation, at least until last week). Or the "Hillary is Inauthentic" dredge-up of unsourced myths and college diaries by Carl Bernstein. Or the Geffen rampage filtered through Maureen Dowd - Hillary effigy burning and all. Or the "unbiased" Dick Morris (now with NY Post and Fox) giving his expert slams on the Clintons. Obviously with these examples of fair and balanced media respect, there's no reason Hillary should have gone behind the scenes to kill a 7000 word GQ story by a columnist who admits he doesn't like her, but that's what she's rumored to have done. As the rest of the media gave the verdict between the lines: "Bitch" (or "Rhymes with Witch" when pressed).
(The media of course enjoyed reporting the McCain chuckle to "How Do We Beat the Bitch", and while not every talk show used terms as coarse as "Vaginal American", there was certainly something less than a love fest with the former First Lady. And when Hillary had her moment of almost-crying ("tearing up"), we all knew what that meant: "insincere, manipulative bitch". Won't release her White House emails? "Secretive bitch".
So it's time for Hillary to make a stand, to own the debate. Because there's only one kind of Bitch you can be as President of the United States: a Cold, Calculating, Domineering Bitch. Someone to send chills down the backs of her opponents, and yes, as they say so often on MSNBC, to make them instinctively cross their legs. The black widow spider who mates and eats her boy toy. If Sports Illustrated is going to put out a baseball card of her in hot pants, it might as well be Xena Warrior Princess, not a groupie. And that's all the choice she's going to get. Amazon Bitch or crew slut. I'll take the Amazon.
"Bitches get things done", as Tina Fey says. "Women [bitches] make lists", as Hillary says. But not just shopping lists. Who helped out. Who to thank. And who pissed them off and is terminally f***ed. Putin? Forget Christmas, dude. Kim Il Jong? Better send a giftwrapped set of dismantled reactors. Ahmadinejad? Better start learning Hebrew.
Now let's distinguish right now between Heathers and Dangerous Liasons. This is no high school girl punk'd scene. This is post-menstrual Maggie & Queen Victoria without the repressed sexuality. Morgan LeFaye's version of JFK's Camelot. Is Hillary sleeping with a female advisor? None of your damn business. One of the prerogatives of the Queen Bitch.
Now about 60% of the Democratic electorate is female. Not all of them are comfortable with this change. Some will say, "Can't we wait for someone less polarizing?" Like who? The alrady-weakened Nancy Pelosi? The Bush supplicating Diane Feinstein? The "pimped out" Chelsea? As Martin Luther King said, 'This "Wait" has almost always meant "Never." We must come to see, with one of our
distinguished
jurists, that "justice too long delayed is justice denied."'
Time to get in touch with our Inner Bitch.




Comments (31)
>The black widow spider who mates and eats her boy toy.
Yeah. Good luck with that strategy. Half of us are men, you know. A candidate who wants to kill and eat us isn't really going to fly over. --And a majority of us aren't opposed to a woman President. Many of us welcome a female commander in chief. Just not the one who's running, thank you.
February 25, 2008 8:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Ding, ding, ding.
You nailed it, chautauquan. I can't wait for our first female President. I'll go one step further: I can't wait for our first President who happens to be female. I can't wait until the day when we don't even think about it anymore. And I hope that day will come during my lifetime. But Hillary's candidacy isn't doing anything whatsoever to bring me on board. Not in terms of personality, but more importantly, not in terms of message, and more importantly still, not in terms of issues.
Don't tell me you're the "courageous" and the "experienced" candidate when you can't justify (or even apologize for the folly that is) the AUMF-Iraq vote, followed up by Kyl-Lieberman. You can shake it, you can break it, and you can hang it on the wall; I don't want it.
February 25, 2008 10:09 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yep.
February 26, 2008 3:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Well, this sort of glorious, self-immolating, end of the line flameout might satisfy a few of the repressed wishes and fantasies of some of Clinton's most ardent, die-hard fans. But I think you recognize as well as anyone that a "go nuclear bitch" gambit is hardly a plausible strategy for turning the race around, and persuading people Clinton has the temperament and balanced judgment to be president. If Hillary wants to join hands with Tina Fey and go for the big Thelma and Louise ending, I suppose we could say that's her business. But it probably doesn't do Democrats any favors for the fall.
February 25, 2008 9:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
No, 40% of Dem voters are men, and as Iggy Pop says, "Eat or be eaten".
February 25, 2008 9:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
This is a fine philosophy as long as you're the one doing the eating. So, I'll ask you: Is Hillary Clinton about to eat or about to get eaten?
Think about it.
February 26, 2008 3:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
Ha ha ha, the Democrats have been doing themselves so many favors with their "I'll just slink spinelessly into the dark" strategy. Chris Dodd actually stood up to filibuster. Didn't that feel good? This ain't golf, you know. If someone can't fight for what they believe in the primaries, they can't fight in the generals, and can't fight as President. There's never been a President that didn't have to do a lot of fighting, and the rules of politics aren't going to change next year.
February 25, 2008 9:22 AM | Reply | Permalink
What Desidero said. We've had nothing but men so far and they sure haven't proved to be particularly gifted at fighting, or winning elections. But let's not vote for Hillary because Obama is so much more likable.
February 25, 2008 9:32 AM | Reply | Permalink
It's true that we've had nothing but men so far, but technically speaking, it can't be true that they haven't been gifted at winning elections. You know, on account of all the men that have won elections...
February 25, 2008 10:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
"We've had nothing but men so far and they sure haven't proved to be particularly gifted at fighting, or winning elections."
Yeah, JFK, LBJ, Truman, Roosevelt, Bill Clinton -- all terrible at winning elections.
Seriously, are you saying choosing women for president would be better simply because they're not men?
February 25, 2008 3:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
But wait, I thought Obama didn't vote against the AUMF-Iraq and didn't vote against Kyl-Lieberman. Did I miss something?
February 25, 2008 10:25 AM | Reply | Permalink
He didn't vote against Iraq AUMF because he wasn't in the Senate. He spoke out against at an anti-war rally in Chicago.
His absence from the Kyl-Lieberman is more complicated. He fully intended to vote against it and was in the Chamber on the day. Unfortunately, the vote didn't happen that day, and Harry Reid tabled it, saying it wouldn't happen "in the near future." Obama understood that to mean he could keep a campaign appointment the next day in NH, so he flew off that night. The next morning (10am), Reid announced that the vote would go ahead after all, and gave Senators two hours to get to the Senate.
Stuck in NH, there was nothing Obama could do except issue a statement saying he would have voted if he had been there:
http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0907/Obama_No_on_KylLieberman.html
Of course, this doesn't look good on the surface, but I think his opponents haven't hit on this because they understand it was out of his hands.
February 25, 2008 3:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
And besides, the Queen Bitch doesn't need to apologize for going to war. She only needs to apologize for losing. And in this case it wasn't hers to lose - it was one of those male spiders that she'll soon eat and digest and spin into fine thread. The Queen Bitch, like many testosterone-enabled men, knows that the world is a dangerous place, and that sometimes she needs to be more dangerous.
As I noted once, anyone who thinks tears are a sign of weakness hasn't had their car paint job scraped to shit or a jar thrown at their head. "Al Qaeda" = "bad, go get them, smart but effectively". "Hussein" = "not quite sure, but get him out of the way unless he grovels across the floor". The world can be classified into spiders, flies, lesser insects and the rest.
February 25, 2008 10:32 AM | Reply | Permalink
The world can also be classified into people who win elections and people who lose them...
February 25, 2008 10:44 AM | Reply | Permalink
This is really neither here nor there, but your example of things that elicit tears is getting your car keyed?
February 26, 2008 3:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
And those who give up like a beaten-down bitch and those who fight on like a Queen Bitch.
Perhaps McCain should have given up in November - he was so far behind in the polls.
February 25, 2008 10:54 AM | Reply | Permalink
Perhaps she should've had the same desire to fight Republicans in 2003 that she has in fighting Democrats now.
And just for the sake of clarity, let me state this unequivocally: This "Hillary Clinton is a bitch" thing is your cross to bare, not mine. I don't think she's a bitch. I think she's a lousy candidate. Actually, I think she's a lousy candidate who has shown a disasterous inability to (choose and/or) remain on message in the last few days, as well as a complete lack of institutional and intellectual control over her campaign.
I don't know her, so I can't say whether or not she's a bitch. I just know that as more and more people hear her message and her attempts to demonstrate "contrast" with Barack Obama, more and more people seem to be voting for Barack Obama. To that end, I should also note that, to the best of my recollection, I have never said I thought she should drop out of the race here or in any other forum. She is welcome to stay in the race to her heart's content if she truly believes that she still belongs in it. As I said, her presence in the race compels Senator Obama to stay on top of his game and to travel around this nation presenting his case. From all the evidence so far, he seems to walk and talk like a winner. And if there's one thing Americans love, it's a winner.
February 25, 2008 11:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
Trust me, Hillary doesn't have every female vote locked up. Not this 57 and white female. Not a lot of us.
I don't need a female George Bush who yells outrage about the exact tactics she has used. I don't need her thinking she's the only one who works hard, who only adapts when it's politically advantageous, who won't adequately explain or renounce her Iraq vote, who says she didn't know about Obama's flyers like she didn't read the NIE, who votes against cluster bomb bans in civilian areas, who supports flag burning amendments in the delusional belief that Republicans will like her if she vote like them. Bill tried that his entire administration; and instead we got odious republican policies and the Clintons were reviled even more. That's not tough. That's heartless and soulless calculation.
She has tried to decimate the act of communicating America's ideals. How the hell does she lead the free world that way? By little incremental, myopically focused, tiny policies? She's so busy "working hard" she can't see anything bigger than her lust for winning. We all work hard, Hillary. We have looked at the comparative records, we have judged the authenticity of the candidates, we have assessed who is better equipped to get any meaningful legislation passed. We have assessed who is best at restoring America's standing in the world. How in the world are you ever going to rally the American people behind you, when you have attacked the very act of giving motivational speeches?
It's not that Obama doesn't have a record. he has a damn good record. It's that it's not your record, Hillary, and everything and everyone is inferior to you. It's insulting.
February 25, 2008 11:36 AM | Reply | Permalink
Talking as if Mrs Clinton is a bitch really defeats the argument of voting for someone based on their record and decision making over their career doesn't it?
On another note I agree with the other reader that calling MrsClinton a bitch is similar to me having strong emotions about any media celebrity, personally I do not know any of them personally enough to call them a bitch. Also I really avoid using that word because as you may already know many people who support female rights and their rights as individuals equal to all other individuals in this country take great offense to being called a female dog. So I have never gone there, however I can understand people having strong emotions for our elected leaders as many of their decisions do have a direct correlation on our lives in this country. That being said, I have to admit that I am not a follower of all the legislative work that either candidate has done their entire life as political person. This election has given me the chance to look at their backgrounds and so, being exposed to their backgrounds has shown what luck the democratic field has had with its apparent depth of substantial candidates who for the most part care about the needs and values of the American people. This is where we are truly lucky.
Ok, I live in the south and whether you have had the similar experiences or not I think you would have to agree that many in the south have a firm displeasure with the Clintons? I don't agree with many of the fears that people feed off of about the Clintons but there is no doubt that many people feel a little uncomfortable with them. In fact I was talking to a Republican the other day about the state of the race and we mentioned the Lewinsky thing in regards to the story about John McCain, and he said he would always remember Clintons, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." I said I think a lot of people that were affected by that moment might have felt differently had he just said that he did and that it was a private matter between him and his wife and that in no way would it affect his performance of presidential duties. He thought that there was no doubt that Monica had thrown herself at the man, but him lying about it was another matter. I told him I thought the president getting a BJ was not a big deal to me as I thought it was a private matter as well and hell if the president had a smile on his face and felt good than maybe he would feel uplifted and make better decisions for us all.
Obviously this whole incident has little to do with whether Mrs Clinton, who is not BIll, or MrObama will make a good candidate but we can not ignore history. So with that in mind, let's see what the voters in each state decide! I just hope whether or not she goes truly negative or not does not undermine our efforts to insure that the Democrats win in November but beyond because I believe this country needs a shift in policy from healthcare, immigration, tax policy, interstate commerce, foreign policy, etc and it is going to take a whole helluva lot of people within the government, civil services and the citizenry to stop our momentum to the gutter of an Oligarchy.
February 25, 2008 11:47 AM | Reply | Permalink
Desidero -
PRICELESS!!!! No other comment need be made.
February 25, 2008 11:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
I love it! Make her Senate Majority Leader and let her bust Joe Biden's balls for a while, where it might do some good.
February 25, 2008 12:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
"That Nurse Ratched, she's a real ball buster". Yep, that comment's gone around quite a lot on talk TV/radio as well.
No, W Bush isn't tough. He's a loudmouth with a lot of people enabling him. And besides the Queen Bitch being a Tough Bitch, it goes without saying she should be a Clever Bitch by far.
"Mirror mirror, on the wall - who's the Bitchest of them all".
February 25, 2008 12:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
BTW, I really liked your title. Awesome!!
I may be an Obama fan, but even I can see it sucks that female politicians in the US are held to different standards than, say, are Thatcher, Helen Clark, Merkel, etc.
February 25, 2008 3:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, Plum - speaking for Ms. Clinton, even if we can at least have gotten Mr. Obama to act a little more Bitch, the campaign will have been a success.
But don't take that as a concession - we plan on fighting to regain Bitch state by state, country by country. As Belushi said, "Did we give up when Hitler bombed Pearl Harbor?" No. And we're not giving up here.
February 25, 2008 11:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Josh,
We're running on Ms. Clinton's record as The Bitch, not just your run-of-the-mill Bitch. Please note the capital "B" in "Bitch" - it's the new respect, trivial as it may seem to you, it means the world to us. Think of it as short for Command, Control and Intelligence.
And never fear, we're standing up for the Southern Belle Debutante Bitch, the Blue Ball Bitch, even the the Donnie McClurkin and Ted Haggard Bitch. Because we are the real unifiers, reaching-across-the-aisles for both the oppressed and the domineering. We're all Bitches Now - North and South, Black and White, Straight and Gay, Republican and Democrat.
When you feel down and powerless, get up and say these words of empowerment - "One Tough Bitch and Proud of it". We're transcending Sisterhood and Brotherhood. Welcome to Bitchhood. We're all Bitches now. And there's One Big Bitch coming your way. Own it. It's good for the soul.
February 26, 2008 12:12 AM | Reply | Permalink
At Last a Blog where I can actually use the B word!!!Thank you so much and I can say it and not be scolded for it.Since they called Margret Thatcher the Iron Lady Hillary is the IRON BITCH!!!She has NO CLASS AT ALL!!!She also has the Morals of a Donkey!!!
February 26, 2008 2:49 AM | Reply | Permalink
Not scolded, little Dragon, Bitch Slapped. And here, it's the Bitch that does the slapping. No 3rd world Donkey. And that's "Queen Bitch" to you. "Thank you ma'am, may I have another".
February 26, 2008 3:03 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'm not even really sure if this is post is about politics or a neo-feminist meme, but I think Clinton should fire Mark Penn and hire you, Desidero.
It would be nothing if not entertaining.
February 26, 2008 4:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you for those kind words Desi.As I am looking forward to doing is saying Sha Na Na Say Hey Hey GOODBYE!!!To the IRON BITCH!!!And Good Ridance too.I always Love a Good Butt Whompin and its gonna be Hers!!!Come March 5 I am gonna have a ring side seat for the main attraction!
February 26, 2008 7:41 AM | Reply | Permalink
Oh, poor Dragon, how was your ring side seat? Give you hemorrhoids? Steer clear, dear - campaigns are dangerous, beginners can get hurt.
March 6, 2008 10:49 AM | Reply | Permalink
It ain't over till the Fat Bitch sings, Dragon, and if you know your Salinger, the Fat Bitch is Christ, buddy, the Fat Bitch is Christ.
February 26, 2008 8:38 AM | Reply | Permalink
Post a Comment