TPMCafe
« Counting West Bank Checkpoints--Making Gulliver Look Lilliputian | Home | A Question for the Community: To Hack or Not To Hack? »

Robert Kagan Protests: Neocons are NOT Vampires and Werewolves!

user-pic

Many of the most senior members of the foreign policy Illuminati assembled in London last week, and neoconservative high priest Robert Kagan and neo-realist national security strategist Kurt Campbell had a collision that simply must be recorded for posterity.

The context was a dinner and then a conference featuring an intellectually and politically diverse crowd discussing the turbulent currents at play in the international system.

The dinner was held at the official residence of outgoing Ambassador of Germany to the UK Wolfgang Ischinger (he previously served in Washington as Ambassador) and featured special guests CENTCOM Commander-nominee David Petraeus and U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker. The sponsor of the night was the new European Council on Foreign Relations whose executive director Mark Leonard is tying up European leaders in a new and important exercise in national security consciousness-raising.

I'm going to save what I learned about the Petraeus/Crocker exchange with people like Princeton University Woodrow Wilson School Dean Anne-Marie Slaughter, her colleague G. John Ikenberry (see his note below), UT Austin LBJ School Dean and former Clinton administration Deputy National Security Adviser James Steinberg and many others for another post. I was not in attendance (and thus am under no obligation to keep anything off the record, which I fastidiously adhere to when in such meetings) -- and have had to pull teeth and twist the arms of quite a few sources to piece together the content of the discussion.

The next day a conference in London was held sponsored principally by the Princeton Project on National Security that launched a report, "Forging a World of Liberty Under Law, U.S. National Security In The 21st Century" a year and a half ago.

But here's the zinger.

Sources report to me that Center for a New American Security CEO Kurt Campbell was sitting near Robert Kagan at the Ischinger dinner.

Kagan it should be noted has recently encouraged the Bush administration to engage in direct talks with Iran (in contrast to John Bolton who has been encouraging an expeditious bombing campaign) and has written an interesting essay on the new ideological contest afoot in the international system in which America will once again need to contrast itself and its norms and habits against those of illiberal regimes like Russia. Given Kagan's big leap on Iran, one shouldn't be blamed for thinking that Kagan was on a new track and that he might want to do stuff like shut down Guantanamo and get the U.S. to try out a little more Venus and a little less Mars.

So, it wasn't surprising to everyone there that Kurt Campbell felt comfortable next to Kagan saying that "despite Europe's best efforts and wishes, the neocons were not dead."

Campbell said that the "neocons were alive and well in the McCain camp" and then said that some people had a tough time searching for the right analogy to describe neoconservatives.

He said that he had heard some people call them "vampires and werewolves but these were both imperfect."

Campbell said "you can kill a vampire with a perfectly placed silver bullet, unlike a neocon -- and the werewolf paradigm is wrong because werewolves are fine during the day but do crazy things at night."

"Neocons do crazy things at any time," Campbell reportedly said to much laughter.

Then, on a roll, Kurt Campbell said that "a better analogy was 'intellectual special forces' -- highly trained, confident, ninja-like, working well in small teams but always seeking to define the terrain of conflict."

"They will not stand and fight if things go poorly but instead will search for a better battle," Campbell advised.

All along, Robert Kagan was frowning, fidgeting, growing visibly icy. It turned out he hadn't really left the comfort of the neoconservative collective at all and was highly displeased with Kurt Campbell's effort to be "flip and funny."

A source close to Campbell told me that despite the accuracy of the metaphor he used to describe neoconservatives, Campbell had not intended to offend Robert Kagan at all. In fact, given what many neoconservatives say about realists and liberal internationalists, this was pretty light fare.

Another source told me that Kagan decided he would not appear on the Princeton Project panel with Campbell the next day. While some would have said "great" -- now we can have a reality-based discussion, the fact is that there are times when balance and ideological diversity are important, and this was one of those. Kagan jumping ship would not have been good.

So, Campbell went out to buy Bob Kagan "a tie", wrote him a note of apology, and thanked him for his service "on behalf of a grateful nation."

I hear that the teasing of Richard Holbrooke at the dinner was even more sizzling, but that will wait for a few weeks so that my sources are not inadvertently outed.

My own analogy to describe the neocons to lay audiences is the "Borg" in Star Trek. The Borg mean well, but they want to 'assimilate' dissimilar cultures and peoples and make them look just like the Borg. If they can't assimilate them, they either annihilate them or wall them off.

Maybe Kurt Campbell will find that metaphor useful the next time he hangs out with a lost and wandering neoconservative soul.

(Honestly, I hope that Bob Kagan and Kurt Campbell both enjoy this a bit. It's just too good a story not to post. If not, can someone tell me what tie shop Campbell uses?)

-- Steve Clemons publishes the popular political blog, The Washington Note


28 Comments

| Leave a comment
user-pic

I do hope Campbell's apology was sufficiently abject; indeed thanking Kagan for his dedicated service to the grateful nation is by no means enough. It is time that these sort of insults are outlawed altogether.

user-pic

Sorry to report that at least some of the nation is not exactly grateful to Kagan for ruining our foreign policy standing. In fact, this citizen wouild prefer never to hear from him and his friends again. Perhaps Campbell meant some other nation. (Iran?)

Is it just me, or is anybody else tired of his eye stumbling as it tries to read past randomly highlighted hypertext?

user-pic

The insult is "thanking Kagan for his dedicated service to the grateful nation." Sadly sarcasm is lost on pompous, self-absorbed people like Kagan who believe it is perfectly okay to murder innocent people to advance some delusion of a "lasting" American hegemony.

user-pic

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Sheesh, the problem is that people like Kagan are exchanging bon mots over salmon at an ambassador's home instead of answering questions posed by a war crimes court.

user-pic

What he said.

user-pic

I would have gone out and bought him a copy of "The Rise and Fall of Great Powers" by Paul Kennedy.

I would explain, in a nice little note, with the book that there is a little fundemental thing called "The Jurisprudence of the Carrot and the Stick."

There are two kinds of Autority: Carrots represent moral authority/perceived legitimacy and Stick represents santions/coercive authority. Moral Authority takes a long time to accrue, but it is inexpensive to wield, and the more moral authority you accrue the greater coercive authority you tend to accrue as well.

Sticks represent coercive authority. Coercive authority is expedient but is extremely expensive to wield. The more coercive authority you wield, the less your store of coercive authority and also the store of moral authority tends to shrink as well.

Since he's a Neocon, I'd explain it again in simpler terms: The more carrots you have the more stick you have, but the less stick you need to use . The more stick you use the less stick you have and the less carrots you have as well.

Then I would ask him to enjoy reading "Rise and Fall of Great Powers" with those thoughts in mind and see how all powers exit the stage because they relied on the most expensive kind of authority and eventually it undermined their relative economic power.

Then I'd buy a case of them for him to send back to his home office. I'd also remind him that it is a 20 year old book, and no civil servant should have graduated from college without understanding these fundamentals.

user-pic

Books, Neo-Cons don't read no stinking books.

What is the use of being a hegemon if you don't get to kill little brown people to steal their oil. Never forget Neo-Cons create their own reality.

user-pic

Coercive authority applied to a peoples might be compared to a phenomenon in the physical world. The more force applied to a mass to get it to move, the bigger it gets, or, to put it another way, the greater its resistance. (Apparently, a mass accelerated to the speed of light (impossible but who cares) would become infinite?)

Rather supports the best-use-a-carrot-rather-than-a-stick theory.

user-pic

Vampires and werewolves are the very nicest things one can call fascist war criminals.

user-pic

Something that jumped out at me (and irked me to no end) was the idea of comparing neoconservatives to the special forces.

Are you kidding me? Neocons are some of the biggest chickensh*ts there are. Comparing neocons to actual serving military units (of any nation) is incredibly inappropriate. And for the record I also feel it's inappropriate to use the word intellectual in reference to neoconservatives. This must have been part of some jest as well right?

There is no need to compare neoconservatives to anything involving actual personal combat experience. It's also unecessary comparing them to any mythical monsters. Neoconservatives are real living breathing monsters. And I'd like to suggest we test the notion that silver bullets would not stop them. Can we please try? Please!?

user-pic

Vampires and Werewolves protest: We are not neocons!

user-pic

Oh how droll!

Meanwhile, these people are responsible for the mass deaths of over a million Iraqis.

But hey they can still chit-chat and laugh at cocktain parties.

Sheesh.

user-pic

Good to know these vampires and werewolves are capable of having a howling good time while ordinary people suffer and die as the result of their ill-considered, intellectually and morally bankrupt charade.

I suspect that what NeoCons have in common with vampires and werewolves is that even hell will refuse to shelter them.

He doesn't even have his mythology right. You don't kill vampires with silver bullets. You kill werewolves with silver bullets, vampires are cheaper - just a wooden stake.

user-pic

I know Steve Clemons is a good man and thinks that covering Washington cocktail parties is important, but wouldn't it be nice if we could just ignore "opinion makers" and other war criminals who Steve likes to call "foreign policy Illuminati." There isn't a single neo-con hack who shouldn't be serving time in Leavenworth. People who pay them homage by either inviting them to cocktail parties or writing about them are just enablers.

Sorry Steve, but those of us who are going to be paying for the mess created by the most bloodthirsty members of the current administration for the rest of our lives aren't really pleased that they are still being invited to swank dinner parties.

No, I'm sorry, but it would not.
The Washington establishment acts on their democratic mandate in the name of the American people.
Ignoring them is the worst thing you can do - and most irresponsible!

user-pic

What democratic mandate? I don't recall electing members of the neoconservative cabal. They just crawled out from under academic rocks like cockroaches.

They You are right, however, the members of the "foreign policy Illuminati" do find ways to send others to their deaths. Ignoring them would be irresponsible.

What if reporters used the techniques associated with hard hitting investigative journalism instead of writing cocktail party reviews. After all they are more like organized criminals than People Magazine celebs.

Yeah, yeah, of course it's Someone Else's fault.

There is nothing wrong with the U.S. constitution, and nothing wrong with the U.S. voters, they have only been hijacked and overthrown by evil aliens.

Well, ...so what?

The important question must be:
So, what is there to do to fix the errors?

Trying to put one's head in the sand and saying that the D.C. is insignificant and nothing to report about is ONE way to do it - but a way that sure as hell will give you only more of the misery.

I could agree that in an ideal world, one should discuss the proposed programs of the presidential candidates instead - but when they do not seem to decide until they are elected, what else can be done than concentrating on their potential advisors?

user-pic

Guest, I posted a response to your comment below. Sorry.

user-pic

Steve Clemons says:

"My own analogy to describe the neocons to lay audiences is the "Borg" in Star Trek."

I think they're more like that gang of aliens in the movie Independence Day.

user-pic

I think you are insulting both the Borg and the Independence Day aliens. When I think of neocons I think of the morally challenged Mentat in Dune who change sides at the drop of a hat.

user-pic

The Mentat had a skill, replacing computers. What salable skills do neocons have? Food-tasting?

user-pic

Well said. Point taken.

user-pic
"you can kill a vampire with a perfectly placed silver bullet, unlike a neocon -- and the werewolf paradigm is wrong because werewolves are fine during the day but do crazy things at night."

Maybe Kagan was offended at the paucity of monster knowledge indicated by this statement.

Vampires you kill with a wooden stake to the heart. Although I believe direct sunlight really messes them up; not unlike holy water.

Werewolves, who are normal day and night except for when the full moon is in the sky (which does happen only at night, but also only once a month), are best killed with a silver bullet.

Does anyone know, when a werewolf is not actively being "wolfie" is he/she killable by more mundane methods? Also, I'd like to know, is the silver bullet the only way to do a werewolf in? What about beheading and other such severe dismemberment?

user-pic

pkafin,

Its obvious that a silver bullet kills a werewolf as you never saw a werewolf in any Lone Ranger episode.

I've heard that the power elite come out under romantic candlelight, and can be killed by serving them molotov cocktails.

user-pic

The main problem with the neocons is following them to ensure that they get what they deserve: a permanent residence in the 3rd circle of hell. These fascist morons have destroyed the US army, and destroyed the US in the eyes of the world.

We need to set up a project to follow these fucking assholes whereever they go, and cause as much trouble for them as possible.

user-pic

I agree, hardhitting investigative journalists should report on what is happening in D.C. Sadly there are very few real journalists working the D.C. beat. There are, however, a lot of cocktail weenies writing Style Section pieces about the day to day banter of neoconservative war criminals.

Again, this is not a dig at Steve Clemons. I have observed that more often than not he is one of the good guys.

Leave a comment

Advertisement
Please disable your adblocker!
Ads are how we pay the bills!

Subscribe

The Coffee House
TPMCafe's regulars

House Brew
From Your Cafe Editor

Special Guests
Big names and big brains

Special Features
Pressing topics and trends

Table for One
An expert's week-long talk.

All Reader Posts
TPM readers discuss.

Recent Reader Posts

All Reader Posts »





Masthead

Editor-in-Chief
Josh Marshall

Site Editor
Lila Shapiro

Intern
Kyle Krahel-Frolander



Subscribe to TPMCafe's feed.
Subscribe to TPMCafe's reader blog feed.

Advertise Liberally
Share
Close Social Web Email

"To" Email Address

Your Name

Your Email Address