Wal*Mart to Offer Just In Time Children for Parents with Just In Time Schedules
When I saw the headlines about Wal*Mart moving to flexible scheduling, I was see that the company has decided to become a leader in the work/life arena. Here's a bit from The Wall Street Journal:
[U]sing a new computerized scheduling system, [WalMart] will start moving many of its 1.3 million workers from predictable shifts to a system based on the number of customers in stores at any given time. The move promises greater productivity and customer satisfaction for the huge retailer but could be a major headache for employees...
The WSJ seemed worried about what would happen to Wal*Mart associates' children if the ability to arrange child care were hamstrung by schedules that changed unpredictably from week to week.
No worries. I have it on inside information that Wal*Mart is just about to announce that it is providing its associates with Just In Time Children to enable associates to work the new Just In Time Schedules.
Here's how it works. As each Wal*Mart store shifts over to Just In Time Scheduling, associates' children will be magically transformed into beings who can be freeze-dried whenever their parents are called to work at a time there's no one to care for them.
It's simple. Say you have a working family where both parents work, but on different shifts -- one in four American families "tag team" this way, and Wal*Mart associates are likely to because who could pay for child care if you are working at a Wal*Mart associate's salary? So the family has it worked out that dad cares for the kids when mom's at work, and mom does when dad's at work.
But with Just In Time Scheduling, mom's schedule is changed from week to week. Not a problem, though, because now with Wal*Mart's new Just In Time Kidz, you can freeze dry those little ones and store them safely away for those hours and hours when they otherwise would be home alone. No more worries about 8 years old taking care of 5- and 3-year old siblings, or about toddlers left home alone, or about what in God's name the teenagers are doing from 3 to 6 that make that period when most teenage pregnancies and crimes take place.
What a business opportunity for Wal-Mart! In fact, the company is secretly working on a plan to market its Just In Time Schedules and Just In Time Kidz in Europe. Then Europeans will be able to abolish all their expensive, old-fashioned "real time" child care, and flexible schedule schemes that give workers some control, and replace them with schedules and children that meet the needs of a globalized world.
What will they think of next? Hat's off, Wal*Mart.
You don't need to freeze-dry the kids. Medicate them with the new discount drugs.
January 5, 2007 11:29 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yes, but Wal-Mart is marketing green bulbs now, so what's the problem??? ;-)
January 5, 2007 11:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
Maybe they will provide scads of free "Barney" dvds.
January 5, 2007 12:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
most likely, Wal-Mart will simply attract workers without kids... In Mexico and other sweatshop areas, don't women get fired for being pregnant? I'm sure that Wal-Mart wants familes as customers, because they spend more, but workers with familes?, they cost more!
January 5, 2007 12:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
I would be wary of shopping at Walmart when they implement this plan. Wear a bulletproof vest, I expect they'll have employees going "postal" within weeks.
January 5, 2007 2:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
Can we freeze-dry kids for lengthy periods? I could have used a freeze-dry proces for mine from about age 11 to age 19.
January 5, 2007 7:06 PM | Reply | Permalink
Whaddaya mean? Why can't the kids work as well?
It'd be an act of charity on the part of Wal-Mart to offer this as an "educational" program K-12. How better to keep the family together than to have them all working on the Wal-Mart sales floor?
Independent Illinois Grassroots: IllinoisDemNet.com
January 6, 2007 1:36 AM | Reply | Permalink
... and you're not wary of shopping there now?
January 6, 2007 4:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
While I did find amusement in your analysis of the issues facing Wal-Mart and the employee families involved, I must respectfully suggest that your posting does not present the most compelling business case available to Wal-Mart, considering the circumstances.
To more fully develop our understanding of the potential income opportunity; let us first examine the known facts:
1) Through the “Just In Time Scheduling” initiative, several hundred thousand families could potentially have children they need to place, creating what is in effect an “inventory” of kids that might easily equal over a million.
2) Wal-Mart’s national geographic distribution means children will be “available” throughout the country.
3) Wal-Mart has one of the world’s most extensive-and effective-information management systems.
Again, while meaning no disrespect, I must point out some potential problems with your proposal:
1) As I understand it, the “Just In Time Kidz” proposal requires a significant infusion of capital into an area (biosciences) where Wal-Mart is not currently invested. This will reduce available income for new investments in IT technology, Wal-Mart’s most obvious technological advantage.
2) The “Just In Time Kidz” proposal creates no new income stream, it simply causes Wal-Mart to incur more costs per revenue dollar.
With the above in mind, let us now consider what potential market could be tapped to turn this useful inventory into revenue dollars.
Okay, this is the good part. You know how stockbrokers make money whether you make or lose money on a trade?
Well, my proposal does the same thing: We can make money on these kids coming and going. Here’s how:
There are millions of childless families scouring the world for potential adoptive children. Some of them even go overseas looking for kids. All of them paying big fat fees to adoption agencies and brokers. And for what? A “maybe you’ll get a kid, maybe not” attitude that’s as discouraging as it is costly.
How much do you want to bet that these folks would be very interested in “time-share” child rearing?
And how much do you want to bet the employees can be convinced to pay for the placement service as well, as a form of “child care”?
So there you have it. Combine Wal-Mart’s inventory control and geographic reach, along with a huge source of available inventory, introduce it to the potential market, and watch the money roll in.
Now there’s a win-win proposal any mother could love.
January 7, 2007 12:43 AM | Reply | Permalink
While I think your plan is very well thought and has merits, I think you overlooked a crucial detail. Childless Americans are scouring the world for cute infants, not partially-grown kids of the working poor.
January 8, 2007 12:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
CParis reports:
"Childless Americans are scouring the world for cute infants, not partially-grown kids of the working poor."
That's easily resolved....
1) Simply tell the prospective "client" parents that there is a probation period, and that their reaction to the "regular" kids will improve their priority for more desireable "rentals" later.
2) Turn the negative (less desireable kids) into a positive. Using the lesson of Tom Sawyer's fence, develop marketing for "only the most special" couples to move these kids that we would "never place with just any parents".
As Samuel Clemens well understood; in the end, isn't it really just a question of spin?
January 8, 2007 4:23 PM | Reply | Permalink