Hey Man Nice Shot
"Cheney Accidentally Shoots a Fellow Hunter" definitely falls into the category of headlines I wasn't expecting to read. Jim Henley offers a good allegorical reading. I have a question about the macho posturing factor here. Hunting deer or some kind of big game seems like a manly-man sort of activity, but hunting quail doesn't seem imbued with the same qualities; more the flavor of an aristocratic hunt than a blue collar one. But I'm from Manhattan, so what do I know?
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The direction I headed towards upon reading the story was:
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The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight
February 12, 2006 6:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
I mean, seriously, can you believe these idiots are losing a war to Iraq?!?
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Vietnam was a difficult proposition due to population, terrain, the presence of North Vietnam, and a pre-existing nationalist movement.
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But Iraq? They really had to work overtime to get themselves into this kinda mess. Like I said, 'tis the gang that couldn't shoot straight.
February 12, 2006 6:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
DONALD:
It is the quail.
GEORGE:
You silly sod!
DONALD:
What?
GEORGE:
You got us all worked up!
DONALD:
Well, that's no ordinary quail!
GEORGE:
Ohh.
DONALD:
That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered bird you ever set eyes on!
CONDI:
You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!
DONALD:
Look, that quail's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
SNOW:
Get stuffed!
DONALD:
He'll do you up a treat, mate.
SNOW:
Oh, yeah?
CONDI:
You mangy Scots git!
DONALD:
I'm warning you!
CONDI:
What's he do, nibble your bum?
DONALD:
He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!
GEORGE:
Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS:
Right! Silly little bleeder. One quail stew comin' right up!
DONALD:
Look!
[squeak]
BORS:
Aaaugh!
[dramatic chord]
[clunk]
GEORGE:
Jesus Christ!
DONALD:
I warned you!
CONDI:
I done it again!
DONALD:
I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--
GEORGE:
Oh, shut up!
DONALD:
Do they listen to me?
GEORGE:
Right!
DONALD:
Oh, no...
KNIGHTS:
Charge!
[squeak squeak squeak]
KNIGHTS:
Aaaaugh!, Aaaugh!, etc.
GEORGE:
Run away! Run away!
KNIGHTS:
Run away! Run away!...
DONALD:
Ha ha ha ha! Ha haw haw! Ha! Ha ha!
GEORGE:
Right. How many did we lose?
LAUNCELOT:
Gawain.
SNOW:
Ector.
GEORGE:
And Bors. That's five.
SNOW:
Three, sir.
GEORGE:
Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That quail's dynamite.
CONDI:
Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?
GEORGE:
Oh, shut up and go and change your armour.
SNOW:
Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake.
GEORGE:
Like what?
SNOW:
Well... ooh.
LAUNCELOT:
Have we got bows?
GEORGE:
No.
LAUNCELOT:
We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
GEORGE:
Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
MONKS: [chanting]
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
GEORGE:
How does it, um-- how does it work?
LAUNCELOT:
I know not, my liege.
GEORGE:
Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.
SECOND BROTHER:
And Saint Cheney raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother.
SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD:
Amen.
KNIGHTS:
Amen.
GEORGE:
Right!
One!... Two!... Five!
SNOW:
Three, sir!
GEORGE:
Three!
[angels sing]
[boom]
February 12, 2006 7:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
One thing that occurred to me in reading comments on this story is some of the absurd incongruities in our society's rules for the use of violence, particularly in the contrast between hunting and war.
Consider hunting. The NRA offers hunter safety training courses, and in many cases you need to take such a course to get a hunting license.
But compare this to war. Without any certification, and based only on their ability to win a political campaign, we just let a couple of kids take control of the military. One was a shirker and the other had five deferments. We hand them the keys to the Pentagon, watch as they fling a couple of their dads' mechanized divisions over their shoulders, and let them trapse off to hunt Iraqis. No courses, no tests, no certificates, no nothing.
That's democracy fer ya.
February 12, 2006 7:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
In theory this shouldn't be possible as the idea is our Congress would have some say here. But with our current batch of useless rubber stampers that's gone by the wayside.
February 12, 2006 8:05 PM | Reply | Permalink
I wonder if Scalia is still eager to go for more hunts with Cheney. I mean, they guy can hardly twist his neck, and judging on the description of the accident, has both his vision and his hearing seriously impaired.
February 12, 2006 9:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
I always will remember,
'Twas a year ago November,
February 12, 2006 9:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
I always will remember,
'Twas a year ago November,
February 12, 2006 9:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
Frank Joyce plagiarized my "gang that couldn't shoot straight" idea. And his plagiarism is all the more devious for coming 3 hours before my post.
February 13, 2006 1:46 AM | Reply | Permalink
You are right--quail hunting is aristocratic. Always has been, to my knowledge. Almost all hunting of birds (quail, pheasant, duck, dove) has been an upperclass sport for a long time. The kind of hunting Cheney was doing (hunting on a preserve) is the kind of hunting that aristocrats in 19th century England did. (All those stories with gamekeepers--that's the kind of hunting that a gamekeeper supports).
February 13, 2006 6:14 AM | Reply | Permalink
Heckuvva shot, Cheney!
February 13, 2006 6:28 AM | Reply | Permalink
but hunting quail doesn't seem imbued with the same qualities; more the flavor of an aristocratic hunt than a blue collar one.
These quail (and some Mallard Ducks as well) were raised in captivity for the express purpose of being released for the Cheney's of the hunting world to kill on a 'hunt'. Real 'sportsmen', huh?
Shoot fish in a barrel, much?
This is just sick sick sick.
Cheney's idea of 'big game' is probably a local dairy farmer's cows.
February 13, 2006 7:51 AM | Reply | Permalink
No, this is the way the English aristocracy has always hunted.
February 13, 2006 7:53 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah, Vietnam is a really big country, population-wise. People don't realize this, but I think it's in the top ten in the world or at least close to it. Iraq? Way smaller. (Still a bad idea to invade though.)
February 13, 2006 8:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
Can someone explain this story on Yahoo News, which says it has posted the first photo of Cheney’s shooting victim – allegedly a one “Harry Whittington, a millionaire attorney from Austin”. Here are some excerpts from the story:
Sources close to the incident suggest "Harry Whittington" is a Secret Service code name for Cheney's indicted former chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby.
"Honestly, I didn't mean to shoot Scoot-- I mean, Harry Whittington," the vice president told reporters in "Mr. Whittington's" hospital recovery room.
An EMT overheard Cheney mumbling during the ambulance ride "Who's leaking now, *******?" and, "******* survived. Gotta work on my aim."
Compare the photos below:
Cheney's shooting victim: http://news.yahoo.com/s/huffpost/20060213/cm_huffpost/015538;_ylt=A86.I126_u9DYWMBehP9wxIF;_ylu=X3oDMTBjMHVqMTQ4BHNlYwN5bnN1YmNhdA--
Harry Whittington: http://www.statesman.com/metrostate/content/metro/stories/07/17harry.html
"Scooter" Libby: http://www.citypages.com/databank/26/1286/article13539.asp
February 13, 2006 9:12 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yes. It's satire.
February 13, 2006 10:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
I am so unsurprised.
After 9/11 Bin L. was the target but who got shot?
Then there is the question of firearms training. During the Vietnam war someone really wanted to show him how to handle a weapon but Dick dodged.
Clearly, the accident isn't Cheney's fault though.
The victim, evidently standing between the end of Dick's gun and the quail - and was shot in the face and chest, utterly failed to communicate his presence to the VP, according to witnesses.
February 13, 2006 3:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hunting deer or some kind of big game seems like a manly-man sort of activity, but hunting quail doesn't seem imbued with the same qualities
Hunting small game requires more accuracy and more finesse than big game hunting. The flushed birds move at different trajectories and at varying speed and thus require fast reflexes and sharp aim. It's similar, in a sporting sense, to the difference between fly fishing and deep sea fishing. At any rate, it seems the old boy isn't as sharp as he used to be. His judgement is clearly impaired. Maybe it's time someone took his car keys away, as well.
February 13, 2006 3:35 PM | Reply | Permalink