An Opportunity For France
Back during the height of the Katrina crisis, like a lot of people, I got into the habit of reading the New Orleans Times-Picayune, and especially its front-line reports and blogs from and about the people most affected.
Now that I've finally awakened and realized that the Katrina crisis hasn't ended--indeed, FEMA's horrendous response record hasn't ended, either, despite "Brownie's" departure--I'm back to reading the T-P, and have just discovered an especially poignant, if humorous, submission, requesting a little help from France.
Here it is in full, from a New Orleans resident named Joan Fox:
Dear France,
Greetings from Louisiana! We are shopping for new owners, and we immediately thought of you! Our present rulers haven't been taking very good care of us and we are looking for a better deal. They are spending all our money in a place called Iraq (somewhere in the Middle East). We thought that perhaps you might want to revisit an old land deal you made long ago.
If you've been reading the papers lately, you may have noticed that we have had a few problems with "water". No, we're not offering you a deal on a damaged water park. (Althouugh that's what it looks like from the air) Seriously, we need help, and fast.
Some things you might like here:What we can offer you:
- We named the state after your King Louis
- We named the city after your city, Orleans
- We have lots of French names on the streets
- We still have Napoleonic law (maybe you can explain it to us!)
- A lot of our citizens speak French (the accent will grow on you)
- We like French food and wine
What we need from you is simple:
- a toehold (rather wet!) on the continent
- an incredible port
- Lots of oil and gas
- Lots of restaurants
- Jazz
- Mardi Gras (you won't believe what we do with this!)
- Some of the most beautifu houses in the world (very, very wet)
Please think this over carefully. Our current owners are so busy in other countries, they might not even notice if you come down here and take a look around. We'll put you up in grand style in a place we call "The French Quarter" (yeah, really!) and you can have lunch at a place we built for your very own Napoleon, which we call (you guessed it!) "Napoleons". You'll be right at home.
- Wetland redevelopment
- New levees
- Lots of new houses (but we want them to look old like the ones we lost)
- We need schools and hospitals rebuilt
- If you insist, we wouldn't mind some more outdoor cafes like you folks are famous for.
Oh, just remember, we would like the levees and the wetlands taken care of ASAP, sometime just after lunch if not sooner.Yours sincerely,
A homeowner in New Orleans
Joan Fox
This looks to me like an excellent opportunity for France to repair relations with the United States, and best as I can tell, the Bush administration wouldn't mind at all.
Interesting.
I actually have noticed recently some on-line ads promoting France at the NYTimes, from the French CoC or something. Trying to turn those opinion polls around . . .
Its not easy being America's scapegoat for global anti-Americanism. Then again, the US is kind of used to being a scapegoat as well . . .
Ben P
December 13, 2005 8:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
Why woul.d France need to do anything to make America happy? They're not the ones that mislead us into a war of choice. They've already done plenty for us anyway. If it wasn't for France, you'd be speaking English now.
December 13, 2005 8:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Why woul.d France need to do anything to make America happy?
They are doing something to make us happy. The French Minister of Culture and the Director of the Louvre visited New Orleans and promised to send over a blockbuster exhibit of French art to the New Orleans Museum of Art early in 2007 to help the museum and tourism to recover. The French have a soft spot in their hearts for New Orleans and south Louisiana, as I learned the first time I visited there. They welcome us like cousins, so I always make a point to tell them where I am from.
I wish our own government had a softer heart toward us. Maybe they would be happy to turn us over to France. Of course, we'd want to take our oil and gas with us.
December 13, 2005 9:05 PM | Reply | Permalink
There is a controversy in NO about whether to celebrate Mardi Gras this year, and my favorite humor columnist at the Times-Picayune, Chris Rose, wrote about it. It's called "We're Having Mardi Gras and That's Final". You can read it here. He gets it just right; it's funny, but it's serious too.
December 13, 2005 9:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lessee....
The French were right about the Niger uranium claim....
They were right about there being no WMDs....
They were right that we would not be met as "liberators" (unless you agree with Bush that an "unfriendly" welcome is still a welcome, despite the word having the assumption built in that a "welcome" is friendly)...
They have a social welfare net that actually doesn't let people fall through the net....
They're willing to fight their far-righties (our equivalent of the Republican Party) with baseball bats when necessary (according to numerous friends over there)....
And (for an exceedingly small number of we Americans), they don't think that a prerequisite for liking old airplanes and being interested in the people who flew them as a hobby requires membership in a far right political party...
Gad, what's not to like about the French???
TC
(currently waiting to win the California lottery so we can move to France, since they allow exile kitties to come along)
December 13, 2005 9:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
Under Moron-Boy and the Droolers International Chowder and Marching Society (aka the Republican Party) Americsa IS the offical scapegoat - an honor our alleged "government" has actively campaigned for.
December 13, 2005 10:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Bunny, Bunny, Bunny,
You just don't understand the situation. France wouldn't be making the U.S. happy. It would be making New Orleans and the citiznes of Louisiana happy, and at the same time showing the superiority of France over the Bush administration.
And it's not like they don't already have a toe-hold in Southern Louisiana anyway. Louisiana hires French language teachers from France to teach the true language in the public schools already. The Napoleon may have sold the Louisiana Purchase two centuries ago when he neded a little extra cash, but the French never really left. They have been keeping an eye on it very carefully since then.
Think about it. The French could make the citizens of Southern Louisiana happy while sticking it to Bush and his minions. What more could they ever ask for? :)
December 14, 2005 1:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
(currently waiting to win the California lottery so we can move to France, since they allow exile kitties to come along)
Bad news guys, the French only love the French, if you want a glimpse of French life for immagrants google "french riots."
December 14, 2005 2:21 AM | Reply | Permalink
No, no, no, the French that hate Americans live around Paris. Everywhere else they mostly like Americans, and treat them with great courtesy. Having lived in France for unco years, as well as having visited there a couple of times recently, I am fairly sure this is a factual representation of the way the French feel about Americans: as long as you treat them with courtesy, they respond in kind, unless you're in Paris or environs, where they treat all non-French with contempt (google French riots). Parisians are very small-town provincial.
December 14, 2005 6:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
I doubt if it is a real opportunity for France. One must remember that New Orleans is about 65% Black or some African American Mixture, and that is and always will be the core of the matter. We can laugh at the notion of "giving it back to France" in one form or another, but in essence that changes the subject -- we are about a city destroyed that was a majority African American City, and we fail to conceptualize what it means to invest in rebuilding it.
I do think the French have a role however. I think they ought to found a "Think Tank" in New Orleans dedicated to the proposition that the City ought to have a handle on power in Washington. Rather than hiring high flying and high priced Washington Dude Lobbyists, they ought to turn to subversion and organizing on the Gulf Coast and New Orleans. For instance, if the good citizens of this region understood the "Value" of their port to the US economy, and laid a tax -- they could rebuild the marshlands and coastline -- the levees and seawalls, and yes underpin the city with the kind of foundations it needs to be a city like Amsterdam, which is built atop 800 years of piles.
Again, this is not about humor -- it is about water management, and the Dutch notion that the greatest act of patriotism is to be a little kid who sticks his finger in a dyke, and acts to save civilization until help can come.
December 14, 2005 7:24 AM | Reply | Permalink
For a similar joke, see there.
More seriously, the French are helping a bit in New Orleans.The French musical institutions created residencies for musicians from New Orleans. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs and private donors have promised $600,000 to reopen schools in NO. French companies announced $20.7 millions in aid to the three states devastated by Hurricanes. New Orleans is one of the most cherished city in France, and Katrina raised a big wave of emotion.December 14, 2005 8:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
Again, this is not about humor
Sara, are we never to be allowed a light, humorous moment? I think anyone from the region is aware of the seriousness of the situation, but sometimes a good laugh help gets you through a terrible time.
December 14, 2005 12:23 PM | Reply | Permalink